Your Daily Guide to Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

Facebook IPO
If Facebook had a dollar for every time someone did a Google search about its stock… Oh, wait, it’s about to. Everyone’s searching for info on Facebook stock because at 11 a.m., when the Nasdaq Stock Market opens, the company’s stock will be available to the public — not really, but the Master of the Universe who will later make a fortune selling it to the actual public — and the company will establish its worth at what’s expected to be about $104 billion. Watch out, folks, a lot of pasty computer types in the Bay Area are about to get exponentially more attractive.

Eduardo Saverin
Because today is going to be all Facebook all the time — sorry, Donna Summer! — people using Google are curious about Brazilian-born Facebook founder Saverin (Andrew Garfield from the movie, kids), who’s doing his best to explain away the recent news that he’s expatriating to Singapore. The web entrepreneur, who supposedly owns about $2 billion worth of the social network, now says he’s not attempting to avoid paying taxes on what’s going to be an enormous windfall today. "My decision to expatriate was based solely on my interest in working and living in Singapore, where I have been since 2009,” he said to Forbes. “I am obligated to and will pay hundreds of millions of dollars in taxes to the United States government. I have paid and will continue to pay any taxes due on everything I earned while a U.S. citizen."

Elin Nordegren
Who cares about Mark Zuckerberg and pals when Tiger Woods’ ex-wife has told her friends she’s looking for a stable relationship. This is the shit that makes the world go round, Yahoo! readers! Anyway, the Norweigan beauty has apparently sent banking scion boy-toy Jamie Dingman packing and is looking for someone who can be a proper step-dad to her two kids. Meanwhile, her ex was just named the most powerful athlete in the world, which can’t make her feel any better on those long, lonely nights curled up in a mansion with her massive fortune.

Tebow Cease and Desist
The intrepid Yahoo! users who are searching out news on virginal Tim Tebow’s cease-and-desist lawsuit must be wondering why the Jesus-loving football star can’t turn the other cheek. You see, a company called Cubby Tees is making knock-off New York Jets shirts that turn the Jets logo into something that says “My Jesus,” not too different from those Coca-Cola rip-offs that say “Cocaine” and things of that nature. But because Tebow is the Jet most closely associated with the guy upstairs, he’s pissed! In a letter, his lawyers wrote, “"The Merchandise makes it appear as if Mr. Tebow actually endorses Cubby Tees and its products.”

Oh, Twitter. Even when there’s news happening and the world is changing, sometimes you just like to sit there and play with your bellybutton lint, don’t you? Today on the site, the phrase “I Really Want To” is trending, so people are posting their hearts’ desires. It’s awful.

I Really Want 1

I Really Want 2

I Really Want 3

The News: Supermodels, Tall Boys and a Lizard Monster

Still-gorgeous former supermodel Linda Evangelista is locked in a nasty custody battle with her baby daddy, luxury goods magnate Francois-Henri Pinault, who just so happens to be married to Salma Hayek. Evangelista, who once famously declared that she wouldn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 is hitting Pinault up for $50,000 a month in child support so that their five-year-old son, the product of a four-month fling, can live in style. The only way that we can think to solve this dispute? A walk off. [USA Today]

A new trailer for the upcoming “The Amazing Spider-Man” has dropped, giving us a better sense of what we can expect from our new Peter Parker, “Social Network” star Andrew Garfield – and it looks good, especially the crazy lizard creature. [YouTube]

As Facebook nears its IPO, it looks like the social networking behemoth might allow regular people – you know, the ones who create all of its content and give it all of its power – to buy shares in the company. Most of the stock will go to big, evil banks, but not all of it. See how not evil Facebook is, guys? [DealBook]

Because nothing makes us thirstier than seeing a can of bubbly sugar drink with a dead man’s likeness on it, Pepsi has announced that a new series of cans – regular size and tallboys, one billion in all – will feature the image of one-time spokesman Michael Jackson. Get ready for the “Jesus juice” jokes. [Rolling Stone

New ‘Amazing Spider-Man’ Trailer Reveals a Snappier, Dreamier Peter Parker

The specifics of The Amazing Spider-Man have been largely been kept under wraps for now, because Marvel knows that the longer details are withheld, the greater the frothy rage that can be elicited from its shovel-ready audience, so eager to spam the "like" button whenever a significant piece of information gets tossed out there. This brand new trailer is that type of thing worth waiting for: two and a half minutes of Spider-Man glory, cutting through the new storylines and characters to sum up what’s new about the old, and how star Andrew Garfield is a Peter Parker for a new decade: he’s younger, handsomer, funnier, darker, overall cooler. There’s just no way it can go wrong.

This reboot already looks more polished than Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man — which, if you’ll remember, was broken into two disparate parts: 1) Peter gets powers, and 2) Peter hangs out and waits for stuff to happen. Here, there’s an overarching plot involving Peters’ long-gone parents and the mysterious research they were working on to serve as the thematic backdrop about loss and maturation and adulthood, or something, I don’t know. It’s a "serious movie" now, as punctuated by Peter getting all My Chemical Romance-y on the bullies in school and brooding in an alley like he’s got all of the feelings there ever were. (SPOILERS: Him and Emma Stone also put their faces on one another, but duh, of course.)

It’s such a change of pace. For years, Parker was a pale, lanky dork just like the rest of us. Now, he’s an eloquent dreamboat with gravity-defying hair and cool glasses, breaking the illusion that we, too, could be just like Spidey. Oh, the trials and pitfalls of fighting for proper white male nerd representation. No one will ever know our pain. Just remember that Garfield is about the same age as previous star Tobey Maguire was when the first Spider-Man came out, which means we’ll probably see another reboot in a decade or so. It goes on, and on, and on, and on…

SNL Takes On Rick Perry’s ‘Oops’ Moment

The GOP debates have been providing fodder for late night talks show hosts, the Internet in general, and everyone in between.  Jon Stewart called Rick Perry’s “oops moment,” the “dope diamond” in that it’s comedy gold. There is little to be done to make it more funny than it was in life, but SNL managed to find a way with the addition of a dickey and a gun.  

Emma Stone hosted last night’s show where her Spiderman co-star (and rumored boyfriend), Andrew Garfield, made a surprise appearance prompting Andy Samberg to argue he couldn’t barge in “just because you co-created Facebook.”

Afternoon Links: Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield Dating IRL, Galliano in Court

● Radioactive spiders weren’t the only critters creeping The Amazing Spider-Man set. Word has it that Cupid was lurking around, too, as costars Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are reportedly upside-down kissing in real life. [Us Weekly] ● John Galliano entered a Paris courtroom today to face charges of loving Hitler in public. 70 years ago, if you told the Führer he’d be complicit in the downfall of one of the world’s most famous designers in 2011, he might have said something like, “Das ist großartig!” [The Cut] ● Some good news and bad news for fans of The Wire actor Idris Elba: He just got cast as the lead in Guillermo Del Toro’s sci-fi tentpole Pacific Rim, but that puts his chances of starring in Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained in doubt. (In related news, it looks like Jamie Foxx is in.) [Deadline]

● If you haven’t already seen these videos of John Krasinki, Emily Blunt, Jason Segel, and Allison Brie, they’re worth a watch, if only to further hammer home the “Stars! They’re Just Like Us!” hypothesis. [Vulture] ● Noel Gallagher married his longtime girlfriend, Sara MacDonald, but brother Liam was not invited to the champagne supernova. Russel Brand, however, was. He played Best Man. [CNN] ● And in more frivolous news, Obama is bringing 10,000 troops home from Afghanistan, which we estimate will mean at least 700 new viewers for The Voice. Everyone wins! [{encode=”” title=”NY Times”}]

Afternoon Links: Gwyneth Paltrow Sings at Oscars, Tiger Woods’ New Bachelor Pad

● The Academy announced the musical performers at this year’s ceremony. Among them are: Florence and the Machine, Mandy Moore, A. R. Rahman, and Gwyneth Paltrow, who’ll do just about anything to get back on that stage. [The Academy/Twitter] ● Here is a picture of someone who appears to be Andrew Garfield, in what appears to be a Spider-Man costume, getting what appears to be a blow job. [Pop Sugar] ● Zac Efron “left a party” with Australian actress actress/beauty Teresa Palmer, which is gossip-speak for “went home and traded Nazi playing cards.” [MovieLine]

● Bruno Mars told a Las Vegas judge that he will plead guilty to cocaine possession, meaning if he avoids trouble for one year, the charge will be dismissed and he’ll go back to not being a badass [HuffPo] ● Tiger Woods’ 4 1/2 years in-the-making home is almost ready. The unexpected bachelor pad has a 100 ft.-long swimming pool, tennis and basketball courts, a massive fitness center, and of course, 7,981 fuck rooms. [People] ● And finally, in case you missed it, here’s Howard Stern’s heroic appearance on David Letterman last night, in which, among other things, he refers to Jay Leno as a “horrible person.” [YouTube]

Why the Oscar Nominations Should Kick Off-Award Season, Not End It

When this year’s Oscars nominations were announced this morning after months of guessing games, we yawned and went back to wondering whether Scarlett Johansson and Jason Sudekis are actually couple. Almost immediately following the announcements, bloggers and reporters honed in on the only reason anyone cares about the announcement anyway — to see who got snubbed. The chatter centered on about five people: Andrew Garfield, Mila Kunis, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Christopher Nolan. The tiny indie Winter’s Bone scoring four noms is a feel-good story, but besides that, where was the suspense? The surprises? Oh, right. There were none.

Most award prognosticators — who have this thing down to a science — and even people who just like this stuff, were able to predict the Oscar front-runners down to a tee. The reason, in case you haven’t figured it out, is because for months now, film critic circles from all over the country have been naming their best of the year, and by the time the Oscar nominations are announced, it feels like the Academy is just trying to fit in, rather than lead the pack, as it should be doing. The Academy Awards represent the official end to awards season, but shouldn’t the Oscar nominations represent the beginning?

Our suggestion for making this time honored tradition more meaningful is a simple one: Just reorganize awards season! Whoever holds any power in Hollywood — Johnny Depp, Betty White, whoever — needs to get to their subterranean lair and figure this shit out. We say push the whole thing back. The Oscar nominations should have been announced last year, before any other official award was dished out. That way, all throughout January, everyone can revel in an orgy of hardware and acceptance speeches, right up until the Oscar telecast at the end of the month puts an exclamation point on the proceedings. (Imagine holding the Oscars the weekend before the Super Bowl. Back-to-back reasons to use your friend for their flatscreen!) This way, the Academy will look like bestowers of greatness upon the year’s cinematic achievements — with everyone else following their lead — instead of the other way around. More importantly, it might actually give us a reason to wake up at seven in the morning to hear Mo’Nique read out the names of some people we want to date.

Morning Links: Bono Finally Sees Spider-Man, Courtney Love Being Sued

● Will this man be the salvation of SNL‘s uneven 36th season? (Not Jason Sudekis, the guy next to him.) [Hulu] ● Bono has finally seen the musical whose success or failure will have no impact on his career whatsoever. [NYT] ● Here is your first peek at Andrew Garfield as a Peter Parker who, judging by how he dresses, probably has a Deerhunter song or two on his iPod. [ONTD]

● Courtney Love is in legal trouble again. She’s being sued by a fashion designer for some nasty things she said on Twitter. Opening and closing statements shall not exceed 140 characters. [Rolling Stone] ● Karl Lagerfeld has selected Gossip Girl star and infinitely-charmed Blake Lively to be the face of Chanel’s Mademoiselle bag. [Elle UK] ● Josh Groban sang Kanye West’s tweets on Jimmy Kimmel the other night, because we’re all very, very bored. [Youtube]