Mighty A-Rod Strikes Out, Lavo Strikes It Big

A giant pin-striped cloud hangs over Manhattan, as mighty Alex Rodriguez has struck out. But there’s still joy in Mudville. Alex has proven once again that he’s no Casey, or Babe, or Lou, or Joe, or Derek, or even Jorge. Alas, there would be no story-book ending (unless of course you were from Lansing, Michigan or some such place). But that’s alright, as A-Rod seems to be a real nice fellow, especially when you see him out in those seriously tailored suits. As a movie star once said, “there’s no crying in baseball,” and it is hard to cry for this guy or his teammates, who are making tons of money while most people are trying to just get by. The good ones make over a hundred grand a game, sometimes more, even if they don’t play.

In the end it wasn’t the maligned pitching that let our hopefuls down but the vaunted bats of our gaggle of 20-million-dollar men. What does this mean for nightlife? Who are the winners besides Detroit and the losers besides the Yankees and their followers? Early October is still the off season for nightlife. Most of the tourists are back where they live, and aren’t due back until the Christmas shopping season or next summer. The students are studying, or spending their trust fund loot on keggers. Everyone is a little ill as various viruses and bacteria celebrate our chills and dampness. It gets dark way too early, and that can be so depressing.The weather is much colder at night and people go home to change and stay there. The Jewish holidays occupy a great deal of the population and everyone is still trying to pay for there summer frolicking. Finally, nobody knows what to wear.

September after fashion week until Halloween is rough. Throw in the baseball playoffs with a local team involved and it’s a disaster. The crowd at Snap sports bar was nervous as I popped upstairs while taking breaks from the renovation I’m doing downstairs. The place was packed with concerned citizens munching burgers and fries and more exotic fare, washing it all down with gallons of swill. It won’t get better than this. With the Yankees out of it, these sort of parties will be reserved for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night football. The sports bars took a big hit because the Yankees couldn’t make one. The regular joints no doubt owned by sad Yankee fans will rejoice as the early exit of the home town heroes will have the hordes seeking other distractions. DJs and booze will help them forget.

The game ended while I was on the L train going home to Brooklyn. I stopped caring about Baseball and football and especially basketball a long time ago. Maybe it was that sequence from A Bronx Tale where Sonny tells the kid to stop hating Bill Mazeroski, the Pirates slugger who had made Yankee legend Mickey Mantle cry. Sonny asks the kid whether if his dad needed money, would Mickey come up with it? I’m not going to cry about the pinstriped millionaires now off to an early vacation with their movie star/model girls. I’m concerned about building joints that pinstriped suits enjoy enough to spend a thousand dollars on a bottle of booze. Love Derek and Alex to death, but we all have bigger problems.

I was a real Nowhere man last night. I had every intention of heading back to the city to celebrate with Rocco and Jayma and Andrew and Noah and the rest of the gang as Lavo turned one years old. I remember Noah asking me if I thought it would work. It was a sort of a redundant question, as he and his very sharp partners had crunched the numbers and dotted all the I’s before investing the millions it takes to build such a place. I told him it would be a home run. It’s more than that — It’s the grand slam the Yankees never managed. It has spread nightlife up and to the right of its familiar zone. I will be up there for brunch on Saturday to support and celebrate.

Last night, I walked Lulu and chatted up my neighbors on the way. The air was chilly and me and my crew headed to The Brooklyn Star to find hearty fall fare. We were joined by a real movie star and his gal and enjoyed the food and vibe of this seriously great restaurant. The desserts made the eyelids heavier than the coffee could handle, and we said good nights. Somewhere, a Yankee was taking off his socks in his luxury apartment surrounded by the stuff that dreams are made of … but he wasn’t thinking or caring about me, and frankly the feeling is mutual.

Afternoon Links: Miley Cyrus Repents, Julia Roberts Gets Evil

● Great news for fans of Ashlee Simpson divorces: After three years of marriage, Ashlee Simpson is parting ways with Pete Wentz. Expect custody battles and two very sub-par breakup albums. [LAT] ● Miley Cyrus opens up to Marie Claire about her infamous bong video. “It was a bad decision,” she said, not referring to her father’s haircut. [Marie Claire] ● This is fun. Victoria Beckham’s iPhone background is a topless picture of husband David Beckham, but what concerns us more is her disturbing lack of apps. It’s called Shazam, try it some time. [Gawker]

● Check out the first unofficial image of Leonardo Dicaprio in full G-men garb as the title character in Clint Eastwood’s J. Edgar Hoover biopic. If you stare closely enough, we swear you can see a panty line. [Just Jared] ● Julia Roberts has officially been cast as the evil queen in Relativity’s Snow White remake, a surprise to everyone but Lyle Lovett. [EW] ● Alex Rodriguez got a call from his kids after seeing their father on national TV getting fed popcorn from, in their words, “da whore from Gangs of New York.” [PageSix]

Links: Francis Bean Has Flown The C.Love Coup, ‘Jersey Shore’ v. ‘The Hills’

● Well, Courtney Love may not be back on drugs, but she lost legal guardianship of her daughter Frances Bean all the same. Kurt Cobain’s offspring will spend the holidays and the rest of her jailbait time with grandma. [People] ● Now that the Championship glow has worn off, is Kate Hudson done with Alex Rodriguez or is Alex Rodriguez done with Kate Hudson? [HollywoodLife] ● Lindsay Lohan is selling designer items from her closet on her family’s website. Nose bleed stains and coke residue cost extra. [Us]

● Despite the fake tan, fake hair, and fake boobs Nicole Polizzi a.k.a. Snooki claims her show Jersey Shore is better than The Hills because they keep it real in everything but body parts. [Us] ● Stephen King says Twilight‘s Stephanie Meyer “can’t write worth a darn” and that her books are successful because of their non-threatening nature. Upon hearing this, Meyer went home and cried into her pile of money. [Examiner] ● Orlando Bloom and his Victoria Secret model girlfriend Miranda Kerr are still not engaged. Someone cares. [People]

Links: Brad Pitt Blazed into ‘Basterds’ Role, Hayden Panettiere’s Bad Tattoo

● Brad Pitt reveals he didn’t sign up for Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds as much as he got a little drunk and smoked a little something with the director, and wound up shooting weeks later. [Youtube] ● Kate Hudson was seen making out with Alex Rodriguez in the back of a Manhattan restaurant. What is this, junior high? [Foxnews] ● Tori Spelling lets you know what’s in her purse and explains how her BlackBerry is a useful toy for kids. [Myspace]

● Hayden Panettiere showed off her tattoo in Cannes the other day, which reads “vivere senza rimipianti,” revealing to all that it’s misspelled. It’s supposed to mean “live without regrets”; however, the extra “i” in “rimpianti” makes it meaningless. [Celebridoodle] ● Cameron Diaz is a celebrity environmentalist who’s true to her word; she rarely flushes the toilet to save water and lives by the motto, ‘‘If it’s yellow leave it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.’’ [Popcrunch] ● What do Keira Knightley, Peaches Geldof, Ricky Gervais, and Brad Pitt have in common? They “hate” their fame. [MSN]

A-Rod Confesses to Steroids, Kabbalah, Madonna

Forget Alex Rodriguez’s not-so-shocking confession to ESPN that he used steroids from 2001 to 2003. During that same interview, A-Rod also admitted to something else we’ve known was true all along — that he’s sleeping with Madonna. How else could she get him to wear that silly red Kabbalah bracelet on his left wrist?

Links: Sarah Palin Still Indignant, Vera Wang Designs Michelle Obama?

● After almost two months out of the spotlight, Sarah Palin has regrouped and is taking shots at Tina Fey and Katie Couric. [CNN] ● Alex Rodriguez must have a thing for cougars. He was reportedly putting the moves on fashion maven Donna Karan over New Year’s. [Stylelist] ● Irish rock legends U2 prove that you’re never too established to be influenced by others. Their new album, No Line on the Horizon, is inspired by Led Zeppelin and Jack White. [NME]

● TMZ interrogated Vera Wang outside a New York brownstone about whether or not she’ll be designing Michelle Obama’s inaugural gown. Survey says “no,” but she’s in the running for another high-profile poltica. [TMZ] ● Peter Som is the latest causality of Fashion Week. He won’t be showing his latest collection at the tents or anywhere else. [Fashionologie] ● Lisa Rinna — that soap-opera vixen from Melrose Place — regrets getting too much plastic surgery, saying she “overdid it.” [OMGYahoo]

Madonna’s Top 5 Romantic Prospects

Now that Madonna is single, she can get back to her man-eating ways and not have to hide it under the guise of darkness. Gossip rags will head into max overdrive, speculating who will be the next meat-slab to try and satisfy the Material Girl’s insatiable sex needs. But we like to be one step ahead of the game here, so here’s a rundown of possible paramours for Madge to devour.

Alex Rodriguez: His ex-wife claims Madonna ended their marriage, and just two weeks ago, the pair were seen dining at Dos Caminos in New York. He had the chicken en mole poblano with a side of “I left my wife, so you owe me,” while she had the shrimp ceviche with some “You’re right.”

Britney Spears: They’ve already made out. Britney appears on screen during Madonna’s current tour, so the two are still cool. Madonna even kissed a backup dancer a short while back. And if lesbianism is ever going trend up in Hollywood, it’s now. It wouldn’t be the first time. Or second. Or third.

Eminem: He likes blondes, she likes white rappers. And in 2001, she defended him during a peak of controversy. “”I like the fact that Eminem is brash and angry and politically incorrect. At least he has an opinion,” she wrote to a US paper. And they’re both from Detroit.

Chace Crawford: Because who doesn’t want to date this?

Any one of these guys: Because if the first time doesn’t work, you try, try again.