Are you stressed out about what to wear tonight? Were you stressed out while making your plans for tonight??
Understandably. Afterall, the success of 2015 is entirely contingent upon what you’re wearing wherever it is you’re imbibing tonight.
I’ll try and ease your concerns by taking inspiration from the most carefree partiers of all: old people. Well, old is a relative term. People older than you, probably. The word old will likely be used carelessly and hopefully not offensively throughout this guide–by which I really mean these people have gracefully aged out of their 20’s, which I am yet to do. Plus, who better to take our inspiration from than those who’ve seen the repeated lifecycles of trends and thus, already established what works for them.
People who, if they have Instagram, don’t worry about whether or not they exceed 11 likes or if a filter makes them look jaundiced, and, most importantly, whether or not their outfit photographs well. When people get old they get yolo. They’ve seen like, 200, or maybe like 45, New Years in their time: the novelty is gone. It’s time to yolo.
YOLO: heard of it? As an adjective, yolo old people are the ones who demand to be wheeled out of the nursing home party in the middle of the Tony Bennett cover artist but will also need 3 slices of cake to bring to their room. Yolo is power!
So: here’s your rule for the night: make every choice a Power Play. Carrying cherry lollipops to use as a chaser and a suggestive prop: Power Play.
Taking control of the iPod that’s playing a Disney song because this is abso-LUTE-ly not the time for nostalgia: Power Play.
NYE appropriate choices that can also double as Power Plays are, in my opinion, the ones tied to the season.
It’s winter, and it’s probably cold as sh*t. Wear velvet, leather, and fur, all of which can retain your body heat (I mean the latter two were something’s skin at some point –don’t be queasy about it: you made that choice), and, if worn in black, can look especially Powerful. There’s a reason why that stereotype about fashion people wearing all black carries water: in an industry stereotypically-defined by how viciously you can yell at interns, wearing all black can help compound the idea that you are not to be f*cked with.
Old people wear whatever fabric they please, thank you very much!! If someone’s hosting the party I think you can generally assume that their space is a #noflexzone, but don’t let social norms hold you back.
Photo Credits: Ben Rossen/BFAnyc.c
Photo Credits: Joe Schildhorn/BFAn
Another favorite Power Play? wearing things inside that you “should” take off once you’re inside. Why should my sunglasses come off? I can see fine. And don’t get me started on gloves. Wearing gloves is cool and elegant and might also be necessary if you feel weird about your hands because you’re old.
It should be noted: demanding to be carried is also a massive Power Play when executed successfully.
Photo Credits: Kelly Taub/BFAnyc.com
But my all-time favorite is the Power Coat, which gets its own category. It should probably be some sort of topcoat, but in a pinch, and with the right amount of yolo, a decrepit cast-off from the bottom of the closet works in a pinch.
A tip: if you have a dramatic coat, feel free to let it casually rest on your shoulders. This resembles a cape, which I believe to be the most covetable wardrobe item in existence.
Olivia Pope, of iconic Power Player status on “Scandal”, essentially runs the entire country despite having only a vaguely outlined JD and staff of two. But she wears Power Coats. There are references to “white hats” blah blah, but really, it’s all about the Power Coat. The worst someone can do is question you, which is not a problem for a power player like yourself.
If someone asks you, “Aren’t you hot?” just respond “B*tch I might be”. If someone, possibly that host, pressed because you’ve broken the unspoken boundaries of the #noflexzone, says something like, “Why don’t you take your coat off and stay a while?” Look them in the eye, preferably with your sunglasses still on, and let them know that you might not stay a while. You might need to get bored and wait for an Uber for 45 minutes until your phone dies and you have to kneel behind the couch charging. In short, do what you want, it’s a new year, carpe yolo, etc.
Photo Credits: Neil Rasmus/BFAnyc.c
I’ll see you in 2015 where I plan to wear only brightly colored fur jackets with animal print pants or a romantic silky muumuu with a massive fur muffler. POWER PLAY. (Taking my cues from these chic people below)
Photo Credits: Neil Rasmus/BFAnyc.c
Photo Credits: Leandro J/BFAnyc.com