Today In Terrible Mason Jar-Related Ideas: The Holdster Mason Jar Mug

I’d like to know who, exactly, decided that the Mason Jar was this year’s bacon, and that every new thing had to be just a reappropriation of Mason Jars. Remember the Mason Shaker, which was a Mason jar with a the top from a cocktail shaker on It? SO MANY PEOPLE thought that was a good idea. They paid people money just to make it. Meanwhile, I was at home using my regular cocktail shaker, which works just as well as something that would shatter if I dropped it on my kitchen floor. ("Great art is always breakable," said no one.) Anyway, now someone has fashioned the Mason jar into a mug with the help of a leather strap. And they want you to give them money to make it.

Yes, it’s the Holdster Mason Jar Mug, which is just a piece of leather with snaps you can affix to any of your grandma’s old glass jars (or, if you’re young and hip and live in Brooklyn, the jars you spent too much money for at a flea market). I mean, sure, why not? This is a thing we needed. But in case you’re not sold, why not let the creators explain why this is a necessary item:

"Like many individuals who are awake, I realized the benefits of using mason jars for…just about everything. The only problem was that I love drinking coffee- and coffee is served HOT. There are plenty of Coozies, Coolies, and Cozies out there to solve this problem but I don’t have a pony tail or a mustache and therefore can’t crochet myself a neon cozie and get away with it. So I designed a sexy alternative: Leather, thread, and copper never looked so good- the Holdster was born."

Look, I love a Mason jar as much as the next guy who misuses an en-dash, but come on people. If you think you are too good for a neon coozie, you just need to step away. Ain’t nobody too good for a neon coozie. Also, have you seen the fashions among the folks who have rediscovered the Mason jar as a thing that one can put liquids into and thus drink said liquids? I bet a lot of them have mustaches. (Also, the people described in the above paragraph are likely living in the coastal states in the Mid-Atlantic region, and they don’t give two shits about what you think of them and their hair patterns because they are warm and drunk all year long.) Also, leather is sexy when it is on people, not glass. 

I would end this with a list of other similarly ridiculous inventions involving Mason jars, but I don’t want to give anyone any more terrible ideas that they can convince other people to buy. Instead, I’ll just thank Katie Notopoulos for bringing this to my attention.

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