Light-Up Bras Are The Undergarment America Deserves

As a heterosexual male, I am obligated to inform you ladies that at this point, there is almost nothing else you can do to make breasts more appealing. Almost. You’ve done such a fine job adjusting and accentuating them till now that I almost hesitate to recommend you take things one step further, into frontiers unknown. I’m speaking, of course, about brassieres that light up.

Electric Styles, an online clothing vendor, has you covered on that score. In addition to incandescent neon-trim hoodies and, er, “glow-fur fluffies” to wear around your shins, they’ve got a simply stunning line of bras that’ll make you look like a sexy Lite Brite. Who wouldn’t want to wear underwear that takes two AA batteries? Nobody I can think of. And with alternative light settings like “Fast Strobe, Slow Strobe and ALL ON,” they’re a steal at $60 a pop.
Really my only reservation here has nothing to do with strapping electric wires to a sensitive part of the human anatomy, nor with the question of where exactly Electric Styles is getting the bras it retrofits with cutting-edge raver technology. It’s more that the sizes only run up to 36D. Where, exactly, are the light-up bras for the extra-busty woman? Wait, don’t answer that—I want to go looking for myself.
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