Colonel Sanders Wants You to Know That KFC Loves Gays

Fear not chicken lovers: the latest Funny or Die Chick-Fil-A parody sends a message of goodwill to cheap, unhealthy, fastfood-deprived gays, complete with a cheesy harmonica soundtrack and a chicken-slinging John Goodman. “It don’t take a boney-fide Einstein genius to know that I’m an oldy-fashioned sort. But when it comes to the subjuct-ification of marriage rights, I reckon I’m a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-Fil-A,” says Sanders.

“Yup, let it be known that Colonel Sanders LOVES the gays. Hell, I might even be gay!”

The Colonel goes on to effuse his undying love for his favorite Bette Midler album, Thighs and Whispers.

To really provide a convincing argument, he promises that he’s not just pandering to get more “gay business.” “Hell, I don’t actually give a shit. Gay or not, you’re all just a bunch of big ol’ money mouths walking around, talking and eating.”

Now that’s more like it: no more beating around the cockamamie bush! Best of all, they’re open on Sundays… and who can beat the portability of a handy, indestructible, grease-shielding bowl?

I’ll always choose you, KFC, for all my midnight hormone-laden chicken cravings from now on, promise. 

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