Your “Florida Woman” News: Role-Playing Gone Wrong

Ah, the Sunshine State. So sunny! So terrible! Look, I have no qualms about being honest about how much I hate Florida. But my hatred for the state is only parallelled by my love for its insane residents and the interesting ways they find to break the law, which is why, as a reminder, I set up a Google Alert for the phrase "Florida woman," because it’s a fact that women be crazy, especially when in close proximity to coral reefs and swamps, I guess. Or maybe it’s something to do with the moon? I dunno. But here’s the latest news about the sisters who are doin’ it for themselves (by breaking all of the laws). 

First of all, I’d like to congratulate myself (again) for my tremendous restraint on Friday, when I did not write a post about how a woman was arrested in Florida for manslaughter for her DIY plastic surgery practice. You see, the lady went to some other woman’s house, gave her butt injections, and then left her to watch her stories and have a nice ass. But, unfortunately, the injected woman died. See, that’s not funny! I don’t want the women in Florida to die, I just want them to continue making horrible mistakes like that made by Dorys Leidy Quintana. The unfortunately named Naples resident was arrested for assault after taking a brief break from her hair appointment to smack a stranger in the face

Dorys Leidys Quintana, 26, walked up to the woman, who was sitting in a car parked at a service station, and struck her in the face three times, the Naples Daily News reports. Quintana then returned to a Naples beauty parlor to get her hair done on Wednesday evening.

The victim and Quintana don’t know each other, according to the Naples Daily News, but an attendant at the Jiffy Lube service station identified Quintana as his ex-girlfriend.

Police arrested Quintana while she was still at the salon and charged her with battery, according to the Naples Daily News. While in custody, Quintana told police she "was not thinking and that it was the dumbest thing that she has ever done."

Good for Quintana for realizing her own stupidity. Bummer she didn’t get to finish getting her highlights, though. What do you think happened? Was the hair dye seeping through her surely damaged hair folicles right into her brain? One thing is for certain: the chances of being slapped by a stranger at a Florida Jiffy Lube are notoriously high, and the victim should have known better.

Speaking of knowing better, here’s the sad tale of Michael Garay, a Daytona-area police officer and victim of a role-playing exercise gone wrong:

Port Orange officer Michael Garay responded to a domestic dispute between Claudia Ambroziak, 58, and her husband on Wednesday morning.

He asked Ambroziak to demonstrate how she was attacked by her husband, and when she touched the officer’s neck and pressed on it, he arrested her.

‘I asked Claudia to show me how Joe [Ambroziak] choked her,’ Garay wrote in his report cited by the Daytona Beach News Journal. ‘Claudia was able to place approximately two fingers and her thumb around the front of my neck…was able to apply pressure to the front of my neck.’

Garay said he then grabbed Mrs Ambroziak’s hand ‘before she was able to apply any more pressure to my neck,’ and charged her with battery on a law enforcement officer.

Now, you’re probably thinking, "Hey now, wasn’t Garay probably asking for that?" It does seem a little harsh, doesn’t it? But hey, don’t rush to the Florida woman’s side quite yet:

According to the police report cited by Click Orlando, the 58-year-old woman started the fight with her husband after she became mad at him for not saying good morning to her.

And you thought you were having a bad morning? 

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