Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

You like news. We like news. Let’s all like news together. Are you ready? Well, are you!? Time to kick the day off to a good start with some news and happenings. Just remember to think positive: "When life gives you shit, why not make shit creme brulee!" 

Government Shutdown

"Mommy! Daddy! Why are you fighting? Why can’t we all just get along? Stop fighting!"

In this scenario, "mommy" is the Democrats and "daddy" is the Republicans – and fingers are pointed at the opposing politcal party as to who is to blame. The U.S. government shut down on Tuesday at 12:01 a.m. when Congress failed to pass a spending bill. President Obama said in an interview with NPR’s Morning Edition: “I will not negotiate. This perpetual cycle of brinksmanship has to end.”

Strap in and come along for the ride: All the government services you’ve come to love will be disrupted — if not canceled. No what that means? No goddamn panda cam! The National Zoo’s beloved live panda cam went dark Tuesday morning. No more goddamn online-Panda-ogling because our two political parties can’t agree on affordable health care. That’s what you get! No live pandas. Crazy fact: The last goverment shutdown in 1995 cost the federal government well over $2 billion. 


CNN:Are These Sexy Selfies Too Far for Kids?

Recap: CNN posed the question whether sexy selfies were too much for kids. Then a panel of adults discussed the matter. "Where is mom and dad?" said one of the panel of adults.  Then all the adults laughed. A conclusion was made that it’s not only teenagers who are out of control – but adults as well! More laughing. 

Thank you CNN. That’s great and all – but we have no goddamn panda cam! 


Scissor Attack in NYC Park

At least four people were rushed to hospitals this morning after being stabbed with scissors at Riverside Park in New York City’s Upper West Side. God that’s horrible: What the hell has the world come to? Not only has the government shutdown, panda cams are being turned off, and CNN is devoting valuable airtime to discuss the pros-and-cons of selfies, but we now have to fear scissor attacks in our city’s parks. The suspect is reportedly under arrest.

Share Button

Facebook Comments