Today, in celebrity drink tossing: after a long week of fighting with her dad, who is maybe a fame succubus, but who also maybe just wants to be able to make her go to rehab (or maybe both!), our Lilo needed to blow off some steam. So she did what any leathery divorcee would do: she stomped down to her ex-girlfriend’s job at L.A. hotspot Trousdale and heaved a full glass of alcohol at said ex’s face with all her might. Luckily for SamRo, the sometime actress’s decaying husk of an arm lacks the speed and coordination necessary to actually connect, and Lilo is now officially banned from every booze-serving establishment in the lower-48, including Hooters. Listen Lilo, I know you are jealous that your ex gets to do the easy job of playing records while you’re pounding the pavement after getting fired, but this is not a good look.
Meanwhile, in Miami, our Snooki had a dust-up with a man whose sexual attentions had frightened and confused the adorable oompa-loompa. Each threw some comestibles at the other, but the ne’er-do-well was ejected from the bar while Snooki got to stay, which means she won. And she still had time to do a comprehensive breast exam on both herself and her companion, JWOWW, for health. She is clearly the winner of today’s classy lady contest.