While not exactly known as a hotbed of patriotism, the East End has its fair share of Fourth of July fireworks — except, you know, not exactly on the Fourth. Why pack everything into one weekend when you can stretch the fun until October? Mother nature shows Hamptonites who’s boss by throwing rain, tiny endangered birds, and Andre Balazs at them. Check out our full Hamptons listings in restaurants, nightlife, and hotels, plus vote in Guest of Guest’s Hamptons fireworks poll; meanwhile, here’s a rundown of Independence Day fireworks displays in the area (in chronological order).
July 4 Greenport, on the North Fork just across from Shelter Island, isn’t exactly the Hamptons — but then again, it’s the only game in town. Key viewing location: Claudio’s on the marina in Greenport, where you can dock your whaler and watch shitfaced boaters who have been drinking buckets of rum since 1 p.m. try to dry hump each other. Greenport Fireman’s Carnival, Polo Grounds at Main Rd. and Moore Ln. (Friday, July 4, 10 p.m.)
July 5 The Grucci Brothers blow a whole lot of crap sky high to entertain the swells who donate to this charity event; you won’t get into the private party without tickets, but you can crash the display just by craning your neck. Key viewing location: Cooper’s Beach, where you can BYOB and a blanket. Southampton Fresh Air Home Great American Picnic, 1030 Meadow Lane (Saturday, July 5, 7-10 p.m.)
Yes, yes, it’s west of the canal, but get over yourself. Key viewing location: A boat in the Peconic pointed back toward Sag Harbor. Riverhead Fireworks, Peconic Riverfront, Grangebel Park behind Main St. (Saturday, July 5, 9 p.m.)
Being on the bay means not giving one single shit about piping plovers or other protected wildlife, and launching your fireworks from the beach on the actual weekend God intended. Key viewing location: The deck at B. Smith’s on Long Wharf, or the street in front of the Corner. Sag Harbor Yacht Club Fireworks, Haven’s Beach (Saturday, July 5, 9 p.m.)
July 12 Another subscriber to the scheduling-conflict-school of Independence Day celebrations, Shelter Island pushes their Grucci-powered display back a full week. Key viewing location: Why, Balazs’ Sunset Beach, of course. Shelter Island Grucci Fireworks, Crescent Beach (Saturday, July 12, 9 p.m.)
August Not even Jerry Dell Femina is a more powerful Hamptons player than the piping plover — once again, the July 4th fireworks have been rescheduled to accommodate the mating habits of this tiny, squeaky little pest (the bird, not Della Femina). Key viewing location: Have a classic cocktail and toast the pip squeak at the Huntting Inn East Hampton Village Fireworks, Main Beach (Saturday, August 20, dusk)
October After a couple of rainouts last year, the village of Montauk decided to just throw in the towel and pre-disaster this year’s spectacle by moving it to coincide with the Fall Festival before the thunderstorms even had a chance to weigh in. Key viewing location: Throw a few back at Cyril’s on its last weekend of the season in honor of the drunken fireman who knocked over the fireworks two years ago. Montauk Fireworks, Umbrella Beach, (Saturday, October 11, 7 p.m.)