The trickiest thing about writing a recap of a Las Vegas bachelor party is remembering the details. My original plan involved tattooing myself throughout the night à la Guy Pearce in Memento, to help jog my booze-ravaged memory the next morning. But after the first night there, I awoke (next to my half-naked friend) with the words “insane” tattooed on my forehead, “cleavage” on my chin, and “break up with my not-a-VIP-hostess girlfriend as soon as I get home” on my finger. So, scratch that idea.
Instead of providing a recap of a scandalous weekend in sunny Las Vegas, I’d like for you to use this as a primer when deciding what clubs, restaurants, and hotels to hit while celebrating one of your buddies usually ill-conceived plunges into adulthood.
The key to planning the ultimate Vegas ex-stag-aganza with a handful of your closest friends is locking down the perfect place to stay. The Vegas strip is teeming with the country’s most prominent pot-bellied vermin, and your hotel will be your reprieve from all things named “Rusty.” Nineteen of the world’s twenty-five largest hotels can be found on the strip, but bigger isn’t always better. For better, go with The Wynn or Encore, two adjacent towers that are the sleekest on the strip, and, combined, hold more Forbes five-star awards than any other casino-resort in the world. Steve Wynn’s opulent pleasure palaces are an orgiastic mix of Asian influences, thick greenery, and top-of-the-line luxury that will satisfy top-level executives and testosterone-fueled meatheads alike.
Owner Steve Wynn has made sure that guests won’t have to ever leave the sprawling premises to experience the best that Vegas has to offer. For the necessary group dinner where you and your boys make one last-ditch attempt to convince the groom-to-be that he’s throwing his life away, try Botero, the steakhouse inspired by Fernando Botero — a Colombian figurative artist for all you philistines). Though Botero does a mean surf, come here for the turf. With the exception of Miss Piggy in a thong, Botero is a carnivore’s ultimate wet dream.
After the symbolic last meal, it’s time to get your drink on, and luckily The Wynn/Encore is home to Tryst and XS, two of the hottest nightclubs in Vegas. Owned by prolific nightlife impresario Victor Drai and his managing partners Cy and Jesse Waits, these pleasure dens are all about spectacle. Tryst features a lake in its center with a breathtaking, illuminated waterfall, perfect for the inevitable Facebook profile picture. But if Tryst is spectacular, then XS is downright mind-melting. The 40,000-square-foot behemoth has been called “the Godzilla of nightclubs” by our very own Steve Lewis, and the place lives up to its name. Extravagant without being cheesy, XS extends out into Encore’s pool area, and if you’re willing to drop the necessary coin, that’s where your booth should be.
Once every big-haired floozy in town is done downing all your Patron, head to Drai’s, which is located in the basement of the nondescript (by Vegas standards) Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall & Saloon. If you follow her on Twitter, you’ll know this is where Paris Hilton heads after her bathroom antics get her thrown out of everywhere else. But if the fall-over-drunk crowd at Drai’s isn’t showing you and your friends any love—and with that shirt, why would they?—we have just the place for you: Rick’s Cabaret has had a stranglehold on the Gentleman’s Club industry for years, and its Las Vegas location is its mecca. There’s no better place to lessen the blow of a night’s worth of rejections than at this silicone sanctuary located a stone’s throw from the strip.
For the ultimate Rick’s experience, have their party bus pick your crew up from anywhere in the city and take you directly to the club, for what will surely be a night of you giving beautiful women money, and them giving you false hope in return. Just make sure your friends don’t leave without you. The walk from Rick’s to your hotel is long, lonely, and cactus-filled. At least that’s what the tattoo on my inner thigh said.