R.E.M. has recently called it quits, and what better way to bow out of the music industry than to release a greatest hits collection featuring a tepid new song? The video for the song isn’t much more exciting, unless you find yourself quite taken with the notion of Kirsten Dunst staring at a camera for three minutes. She doesn’t do much on screen, but I bet there’s a ton going on inside her head. Here’s what I think her inner monologue might have been.
0:02. All right, here goes. Gotta do this new reel.
0:06. Where is Sofia? I thought Sofia was directing this?
0:10 A music video? Is it for Phoenix? Seriously, where’s Sofia?
0:14 God, I wish I had chapstick.
0:24 Ah, shit, I forgot. It’s that R.E.M. thing. OK, Kiki, think.
0:29 God I am soooo embarrassed.
0:41: OK, be cool. This’ll be over soon.
0:45 Alright FINE, I’ll look at it, OK?
0:52: Which one’s R.E.M. again? They gay ones, right?
1:07: I should give Schwartzman a call when I get home tonight.
1:16: 7, 14, 21, 28, 45… Shit. 35, 42, 49…
1:43: I bet Maggie Gyllenhaal won’t even get a nomination this year!
2:00 Fuck, is Michelle Williams in anything this winter?
2:19 This song is LONG!
2:26 My hair is kinda heavy.
2:36 LOL, I’m dancin’.
2:52 I hope I still have that Xanax that Jessica Chastain gave me.
2:57 Oh, shit, I gave it to Charlotte Gainsbourg. I’ll call her.
2:59 What’s my assistant’s name again?
3:03 No, Sally is the DOG.
3:12 I’m going to pretend I’m Bjork for the rest of this thing.
3:16 Boo! I’m Bjork!
3:20 I’m Bjork and sooooo shy.
3:26: Fairies! Stars! Moons! Oh… we’re done?
3:30 What? Another take?!