Week in Divas: Oscars Edition

imageWith just over 48 hours to go, all our favorite leading ladies are frenetically booking last-minute lipos, emergency colonics, and marathon pilates classes — while simultaneously managing miracle master cleanses. All of this in order to assure that they’re able to squeeze into constrictive gowns while showing off a demure gait on the red carpet when Sunday rolls around. And while this year’s best ladies (and their supporting counterparts) effortlessly snag one headline after another, even past grande dames of Oscar prominence are enjoying an uptick of increased notoriety. Sure, we won’t care about more than three percent of all the winners come Monday morning (or today if you’re betting by this leaked list of winners), but we can revel in everyone’s temporary relevance anyway.

● Whoopi Goldberg makes Bill O’Reilly squirm. [Gawker]

● Win or lose, should Kate Winslet’s newfound Oscar glory up her quota and her ability to enforce non-nudity clauses in her contracts make her elusive to less powerful auteurs, she’s got a couple of sisters who also happen to be actors, but they “toil in obscurity.” [Daily Mail]

● Should Winslet win, she still wouldn’t dethrone Meryl Streep as the Oscar queen, who has 15 nominations to her name. [AFP]

● No one will ever one-up Björk’s avian attire from the 2001 Oscars. Ever. But that’s no reason to harp on her. [The Daily Sound]

Apparently unbankable Halle Berry’s next role: Portraying jewel thief Doris Payne, who’s responsible for some of the biggest Tiffany’s heists in history. Chances for another Oscar? Quite favorable. She’ll need to shave her head for the role. We all know how much those little gold men love a good make-over. [MTV]

The Wrestler star Marisa Tomei, like Charlize Theron, Elisabeth Shue, and Liz Taylor before her, appears to be part of a vast Hollywood conspiracy to honor women who have no qualms about zipping up a pair of thigh-highs to play hookers or strippers. [Jezebel]

● “On one of the songs, [Tilda Swinton] plays the part of my mum, who’s found me at the end of a self-destructive period of my life. She’s trying to tell me that I look like death, absolutely sick and disgusting, and to snap out of it. When I told my mum she called up her friends and was like, ‘Oh, an Oscar winner is playing me on this album!'” — Patrick Wolf [Pitchfork]

● And finally, if the excitement of the Oscars is far too much for your withered little heart to handle, just pretend like you didn’t catch wind of Reese Witherspoon possibly becoming engaged to Jake Gyllenhaal. [The Insider]

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