‘US Weekly’ Pervs on Miley Cyrus’ New Tattoo

Having tried to previously kill off the young celebutard, tabloids like Us Weekly are now unhinging their jaws in a bid to sexify Miley Cyrus to predatory new lows. Really, their close reading of Cyrus’ new ink that may have been inspired by emotronic songstress Sia, carries with the strong fervent pants with which Humbert Humbert pursued his own Lolita. Or perhaps the leading tab was simply living up to its place in the venerable establishment of journalism.

These days, people are always putting on airs about “the death of journalism!” whatever that means because anyone who’s ever glossed over a daily could lament about the death of decent storytelling. Regardless, Us Weekly is very valiant in its pursuit of the five W’s which make that stone upon which the scythe of journalism has been sharpened. A gloss of the story reveals:

Who? “Miley Cyrus, in Bikini,” What? “Sports a Tattoo … In cursive writing, a tattoo reads ‘Just Breathe.'” Where? “Under Left Breast” When? It’s a bit hazy, really, but the pundits at the rag offer: “The ‘legal age’ to get inked in the U.S. is 18 — but the 17 year-old may have gotten a permission slip from her parents.” Why? In Cyrus’ own words: “I’m pretty cool…I’m pretty much the coolest person ever.”

Sure, we could probe Us Weekly about the legal age of a girl to get scrutinized so closely that the line between celebrity stalking and gross lechery blurs uncomfortably, but why bite the hand that feeds you?

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