The TSA Will Screw You: Weird New Travel Restrictions You Should Know About

Fucking terrorists: if your ultimate goal is to irritate pajama-wearing fliers over the holiday season, then job well done. Your thwarted attacks inevitably heighten airport security, and as you draw up blueprints for the next flammable pair of long johns, we have to deal with your misfires, starting with the “slide down” full-body search. There’s also the deployment of 300 new body scanning machines, which is just as invasive (there will be 1,000 of these machines nationwide by the end of 2011). It’s an either/or situation at the airport, no matter how much groups protest. What other changes should the common traveler be aware of before they travel?

As of November 1, the full name on your ticket must match your name on a government-issued ID before a boarding pass is issued. So nicknames and middle initials are just going to slow you down.

Expecting an international package? They will be screened individually and must be certified, so cancel that shipment of Xanax you ordered from one of those weird online sources. All-cargo flights will also get additional and enhanced screening.

Are you by chance an ink cartridge salesman? Looks like you’ll have to use FedEx. TSA is now banning ink cartridges over 16 ounces on all US-bound flights. This includes carry on and checked luggage.

Good news does come out of this for Apple. Owners of the new 11″ MacBook Air can leave their laptop in their bag. We say it’s a conspiracy of a whole different kind.

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