The Paz de la Huerta Black List: Choke on This

Actor Paz de la Huerta tangles with her share of deadbeats in Gaspar Noé’s Enter the Void and as a gangster’s Girl Friday in HBO’s Boardwalk Empire. But it’s the characters from her life in fashion that really get under her skin. Since when do models have to wear clothes?

1. I hate all the hipster stylists who wear, like, dildos on their heads and think it looks good. They always end up looking like Orgazmo’s sidekick, Choda Boy. 2. I hate being asked “my sign” by hairstylists every time I do a shoot. No matter what I tell them, they always say, “Oh, my god, we’re gonna be best friends!” 3. I hate that I have to be up on astrology all the time, because that’s all models talk about. 4. I hate when stylists try to put clothes on me. They should just shoot me naked, next to the clothes on the hangers. I’m obviously much happier naked. 5. I hate when I’m not the only model on a shoot, hello. 6. I hate when the photographer’s wife comes to the shoot. It’s like having my leading man’s wife show up to a film set in the middle of a love scene. 7. I hate being air kissed because I don’t wear any makeup, and I’d sure like to rub my cheeks against a bunch of hotties like Josie Maran and Christy Turlington (who is hotter than ever and just made No Woman, No Cry, a dope documentary about women around the world giving birth). Actually, I’d like to do a lot more than rub cheeks with them! 8. I hate that the male models I’ve dated completely conform to stereotypes. I had one who asked me, after three months of dating, if he was just my “boy toy.” 9. I hate when I ask a model what book they’re reading and they show me their portfolio. 10. I hate that the guys who were going out 20 years ago to screw models are still doing the same old shtick. They’re still “actors,” except they have no hair and no money. Thanks to their friend, the party promoter, they still get free drinks and try to impress the poor, young immigrant model—who doesn’t know anyone—by talking about all the famous asses they’ve kissed.

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