It’s just a little too perfect. First, partners Timothy Sheldon, Patrick Osuna, and Charles "DJ Dirtyhands" Koch open Heist, an exclusive, high-end nightclub in Washington, D.C.’s Dupont Circle that makes the most of its heist theme with such decor as a diamond-stuffed teddy bear, whose precious contents spill out of his sliced-open belly. Then, the massivest, most headline-grabbingest diamond heist in history goes down in Belgium, with robbers taking $50 million in precious stones from an airplane on the tarmac of the Brussels airport, and the world is immediately fascinated with high-end international jewel heists. Coincidence? I just sent an email to Sheldon, questioning him about where he was on Monday morning. So far, crickets.
But of course, if Sheldon and partners made off with $50 million worth of diamonds, they wouldn’t need a nightclub at all, even if it was suddenly made all the more popular by Monday’s heist … Or would they?
Maybe they need to lay low for a while until things cool down. Until the owners and insurers of that $50 million worth of diamonds forget all about it, and just write it off, as rich people do with life’s indignities. And who but me would really suspect the proprieters of a place named Heist would perpetrate such a massive heist?
Let’s think about the crew here. At something like 6’5", former soccer player Timothy Sheldon is really big. He could be the muscle of the crew. Patrick Osuna was a highly-ranked tennis player, super quick and able to turn on a dime. There’s no catching him. And Charles Koch? He’s a trained pilot who flies his own airplane. What better for a quick getaway?
So I advise everybody in the Washington, D.C. area to drop by Heist this week to see if the owners are acting a little strange, looking over their shoulders and installing new "fake" diamond decorations behind glass.
I’m not saying they’re the perpetrators of this exciting, sexy crime. But the signs are there if anyone cares to look.