If Christopher Elliot, ombudsman for National Geographic Traveler magazine, and author of Elliot, had his way, he’d like to make flying a booze-free event, and not just for the pilots. He’s campaigning for passengers be able to blow a 0.00 anytime during a flight. Vagabondish is calling it an assault on fun, which is fairly accurate considering one of his seven reasons is “It’s Annoying” (uh, so are other passengers, hence the booze), and another is “You Might Relapse,” to which I call BS because since when do we make rules so recovering alcoholics will be less tempted to drink? We might as well shut down the airport bars while we’re at it.
Reading between the lines it’s easy to see that Elliot just isn’t having fun anymore, and so damn it, neither should you! As he says himself:
I’ve changed, too. Eleven years ago, I would have though nothing of ordering a glass of wine on a flight. The ban idea? That just made for an interesting story in 1998. But today, as the father of three who doesn’t drink much anymore, I can see the wisdom of abstaining for a few hours on the plane — if not longer.
The bizarre artificial world of in-flight social graces continues to evolve, even while contradicting itself. As far as alcohol goes, haters should just suck it up. The vast majority of people boozing on a plane are just knocking back half a glass of wine, and if they’re really getting shitfaced, you can ask to be moved (or better yet, have a drink yourself and relax). Unruly kids are a tough one — a parent can only do so much to control their kids’ vocal chords, but they should do all they can do. If there’s really such a big need for a kid-free zone, airlines should just start offering kid-free flights — who knows, they might also be popular with the drink-free crowd.