● Per Se at the Time Warner Center (Midtown West) – Discreet and intimate, with stunning attention to detail. That’s how one would choose to describe this advanced gastronomy resto at the Time Warner Center. It doubles for the bathrooms. Discreet, intimate, and roomy. I can name more than a few hookup tales thanks to these private rooms. ● 1 Oak (Chelsea) – Private bathrooms lined in a row for a gorgeous group waiting in a line. Floor to ceiling coverage, low lighting, and mirrors where you just barely make out your own reflection. Bonus for the fact the attendant never seems to be around. Maybe he’s getting it on as well? ● Plaza Hotel (Midtown West) – Act like you’re old money having an affair like the rest of the clientele. Restrooms are private and off main grid of the palace, though everyone’s too wrapped up in themselves to notice your vulgar behavior. Posh, gilded — dare we say fucking tacky — catering to tacky, sexy quickies.
● Back Forty (East Village) – Such a virtuous, healthy restaurant — the scene for a hookup? Named for the unplanted quarter of 160-acre homestead where farmers get wasted after long days baling hay, the idea brings to mind your romp-in-the-hay fantasy. Just me? Well, the clean, private bathrooms, left unattended and rarely used, provide room for some other fantasies. ● The Cooper Square Hotel (East Village) – Some might blame an amorous evening on the beautiful views, but you could venture to also place blame on the size of the bathrooms. Everything is low key — even the lobby is unassuming. Small, clean lines, and lots of places to get lost in, including the bathrooms. ● BEast (Chinatown) – Should Chinatown bathrooms be this clandestine? Clean, separate, all-white water closets act more like a hangout space than anything else. ● The Box (Lower East Side) – The attendants are busy flirting with the regulars somewhere, the cushion-covered, plush restrooms seem as though they were made for a hookup. The stalls aren’t exactly private, but that makes it all the more dangerous. ● Raines Law Room (Flatiron) – What laws? Speakeasy vibe and overall privacy of this joint plants the seed; the floor to ceiling doors shut out the noise and bring to mind more dirty deeds. And if you need any more suggestions, consider the bathroom wallpaper: stick figures in various sexual positions. Subtle! ● Bungalow 8 (Chelsea) -“It’s a standby” says [redacted] enthusiastically about banging in the Bungalow loos. In his professional experience, one should slip the always-friendly attendant a $20, and do as you like. The sexy lights, sturdy counter tops, and close quarters will do the rest. ● Baddies (West Village) – Here, it’s all about the mirrors. Small, unlit hallway leading to the bathrooms helps as well. Single, private rooms, though not a lot of room to get creative. Still, people will leave you alone to get the job done.
Photo: Purple Diary