Links: John Lennon’s Killer Denied Parole, Heidi Montag Massages Breast Implants

● Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon in 1980, has been denied parole for the sixth time. Jared Leto, who played the crazed fan in a film, was hoping for a sequel. [NYDN] ● One of the funny ones, Jenny Slate, will not be on Saturday Night Live this coming season, nor will Will Forte, though four replacements will be coming on, including the first African American since 2003. [WaPo] ● The man who nonviolently stole Kirsten Dunst’s purse from a hotel room was sentenced to four years in jail. For some perspective, that’s like 16.2 Lindsay Lohans. [HuffPo]

● If the perfect tweet could be crystallized, it would look a little something like this: “Giving my self a soft tissue breast massage. Ladies we have to keep those implants soft.” [HuffPo] ● Basketball star Ron Artest was stopped in L.A. driving what looked like a big go-cart, except with top speeds over 150 mph. He was wearing a helmet. [TMZ] ● The Joaquin Phoenix meltdown movie, I’m Still Here, is very real. [NYM]

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