Did Jessica Simpson & Billy Corgan Meet On the Internet?

Okay, so this thing about a third-rate pop singer and one of the ’90s pioneering alt-rockers playing footsie under the table. It’s true? We’re running with it? We’re going with the vague notion that if given the chance, these two will rent an Escalade and drive it up to the cabin, and engage in something resembling sex for a weekend? That after an awkward series of nasal grunts and warbling bellows, they’ll drive back to the Hills, glowing, and attend the red carpet premiere of Transformers 4 or whatever and we’ll have to buy it? Nope. Not happening. But not because the thought of their sex organs touching seems so…physically impossible. Rather, because the pair have admitted to taking the slow-track.

They only started dating earlier this month. Unlike us normal folk, Bessica aren’t bed-hopping sluts. They are individuals of high standing who take their time to get to know people… on the internet! Earlier this year, Simpson did admit to trolling the internet for boyfriends. Meanwhile, Corgan plays into the archetype of the rebel rocker who takes breaks between World of Warcraft battles to e-flirt with cybergirlfriends. Possible chat transcript between the two in cyberspace purgatory:

JSimpz014: hey sexy wt u up to 🙂 Zwanned: Not much. Getting pwned in WOW. JSimpz014: WOOW. c wht i did there lol? JSimpz014: Hello? Zwanned: What? JSimpz014: wanna mt @ nobu 4 a quicki? Zwanned: Fine.

Yes, some real heady foreplay possible there. Though, considering that past paramours have included John Mayer for Simpson, and Courtney Love for Corgan, maybe this relationship should be switched from the slow-track to the no-track. Both have some measure of me-work to do before they can afford to bring other people into their lives. More barracks to build on WOW and what-not.

A romantic development that we could all, however, get behind would find Love and Mayer dating, with the former beating the latter over the head with her handbag. Love, true love.

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