Delivering the “Top 10 Ways The Country Would Be Different If Britney Spears Were President” on The Late Show with David Letterman, Brit-Brit looked astoundingly alert and presentable in a skimpy string bikini. Number 4: “America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy.” Perhaps President Spears could divert some earmark spending towards a more human-like weave, and away from large faux flower headpieces. Only a suggestion. In other recent Spears news, yes, Kevin Federline is fat, and yes, Britney has decided to reward her father for saving her from a life of baldness and straitjackets and future offspring named “Quilt” and “Pillow” with his very own soul food restaurant. Jamie Spears will act as proprietor of the as yet un-monikered L.A. fry-den, which will hopefully be a tad more delicious than Nyla, Brit’s 2002 shot in the dark aimed in the general direction of the New York resto world. And somehow Justin Timberlake’s Southern Hospitality survives. All part of a global conspiracy to separate the former amours from their once-shared place of white trash awesomeness, if you ask me.
I have always suspected that it’s-Britney-bitch maintains a diet very similar to the composition of True Blood’s V. As explained by series auteur Alan Ball, that’s a mixture of “cabernet, the blood of European hemophiliac royalty, vodka, Viagra, and ecstasy.” For a fellow daughter of rural Louisiana, throw in a good heaping of Merlotte’s soul food, also known in the South as “food.” Alas, a deep fryer doesn’t exactly a bikini body make. So if Daddy Spears is hoping for culinary success in vinaigrette-not-ranch L.A., perhaps he should consider the following recipe for non-hypertension cornbread. Or you at home. Just add some liquor, and there’s supper!
Basil Cornbread 1. Preheat oven to 400˚ and butter a 9 x 9 baking pan. 2. In large bowl, whisk 1 1/2 cups buttermilk, 3 eggs, and 1/3 cup chopped fresh basil. Set aside. 3. In food processor blend 2 cups yellow cornmeal, 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup sugar, 4 tsp baking powder, and 1 tsp salt. Fold in 1 stick unsalted butter, blending until meal begins to form. 4. Add 1 1/2 cups (about 3 ears’ worth) fresh corn kernels and blend until roughly chopped. 5. Stir contents of food processor into buttermilk mixture. 6. Pour into baking pan and bake 45 minutes, or until golden and toothpick emerges cleanly from center. 7. Cool 20 minutes.