Zooey Deschanel to Ruin the Legacy of Loretta Lynn on Broadway

Happy Friday! Just kidding, everything is awful. Let’s just get right into it: Zooey Deschanel is going to star as Loretta Lynn in a Broadway adaptation of Coal Miner’s Daughter. What happens if you stick a blonde wig on a doe-eyed girl who sings like Aaron Neville? I don’t think it’ll be much like Loretta Lynn. 

According to Playbill, Lynn announced the news last night from the stage of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville—just as she did in 1979 when she told her fans that Sissy Spacek would be playing her in the film based on her life. Spacek won an Oscar for her portrayal of the music legend from her impoverished upbringing in rural Kentucky to her Grand Ole Opry superstardom. The film also starred Tommy Lee Jones and the late Levon Helm

Said the great Ms. Lynn:

It’s a long way from Butcher Holler to Broadway in New York City. I never imagined I’d see Coal Miner’s Daughter on a movie screen, and now I can’t believe it’s going to be on a stage for people to see… I’m going to be right there in the front row. And I know Zooey is going to be great—she sings and writes her own songs just like I do, and we even have the same color eyes!

No disrespect, but let’s not let Loretta Lynn cast herself anymore? She did a good job once, but eye color does not a Loretta Lynn make. Of course, I will be one of the first in line for tickets to see Zooey D. slur and bat her eyes on the Great White Way, as my mantra is, generally, "This milk is spoiled. Here, taste it."

How did my friend and I react to the news this morning? Like adults, obviously:

nope

Meanwhile, I’ll spend the next few months dreading this musical while watching the video below of Sissy Spacek the famous autobiographical song on The Midnight Special:

…and by doing an impression of Sissy’s impression of Loretta. Big ol’ barrrrrrrr a-growlin’:

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