What Would a World Without Alexa Ray Joel Look Like?

Frankly, I don’t know. Few of us noticed her before, so this sort of glib question really has no non-bitchy answers. Also, I can barely muster the journalistic integrity necessary to comb through the thickets of Alexa Ray Joel news items to shake the useful from the useless. Turns out Alexa Ray is a genetic experiment concocted from the loins of Billy Joel, with considerable help from supermodel Christie Brinkley. She had some sort of singing career as many daughters of singers tend to these days, what with nepotism ruling showbiz with an iron fist and all. And as common with the troubled spawn of the glitterati, ARJ self-medicated following a rough break-up and was rushed to the hospital post-haste. So what would a world without Alexa Ray Joel look like, then?

Turns out: mildly gloomy for a little bit with some sun to follow. Not exactly The Reckoning now, is it? Still, there’s a major problem when a precedent set most notably the holy trinity in 2007 keeps persisting, through starlets plagued by hubris. Reactions to the star’s crisis, by way of a totally unscientific cross-section of tweets, sloppily edited Google news headlines, and other miscellany reveal just how (in?)significant her place in the showbiz landscape is.

Some tweets try the same spillage of crocodile tears that came gushing out upon news of Anna Nicole Smith’s passing:

Is praying for Alexa Ray Joel to get better and he hopes she realizes how beautiful and talented she is.

…while others try to take Billy Joel to task for negligent parenting with dubious claims:

…BILLY JOEL DOES NOT VISIT SUICIDAL DAUGHTER ALEXA RAY JOEL IN HOSPITAL…

A catty, but anonymous Greek chorus reveals that many people have a rather unflattering take on ARJ’s physical appearances.

Finally, here’s ARJ performing “Invisible” on The Wendy Williams Show. The yen for a musical career means some crooked accusations from Perez Hilton about this being a publicity stunt shouldn’t be far behind.

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