Lone Beatle, Surviving Nirvana Members Plot To Ruin Both Bands

In news that 100% cannot be real in this or any other universe, it transpires that Sir Paul McCartney will be filling in for the late Kurt Cobain when “Nirvana” plays a reunion set at the 12.12.12 Concert for Sandy Relief tonight in New York. Earplugs are recommended.

Drummer Dave Grohl and bassist Krist Novoselic will also be joined by “unofficial fourth member Pat Smear” on guitar, making this frankengroup all the stranger. Luckily, McCartney won’t be singing “Rape Me.” The band will play something new that they’ve come up with together, ensuring the total dissatisfaction of anyone charitable enough to shell out for a ticket.

The best part? McCartney said of his collaboration with the grunge icons in The Sun: “I didn’t really know who they were. They are saying how good it is to be back together. I said ‘Whoa? You guys haven’t played together for all that time? And somebody whispered to me ‘That’s Nirvana. You’re Kurt.’ I couldn’t believe it.” See that? Nobody stays cool when they get old.

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