Justin Bieber Auctions Off His Pet Snake

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Justin Bieber, fresh off the release of Under the Mistletoe, has apparently gotten into the holiday spirit of giving. The pop star will auction off the pet snake, Johnson, he brought to the 2011 VMAs for the charity Pencils of Promise. The phallic symbolism is never ending. How much is this thing going to ring in?

Bidding, which has started on Charity Buzz, has already reached $2,270. Chump change! Expect it to rise as the wealthier members of the Bieleber Army beg mom and dad for the coolest stocking stuffer ever, albeit one with long term responsibility.

The site cautions would be buyers that "Keeping a pet snake is a long-term responsibility. Before making any decision about keeping one, please ensure you have the money, space, knowledge, time, resources and enthusiasm required to properly care for the species you intend to keep, for the duration of its life."

How long is that? Twenty years, thus ensuring it will live to see the Biebs inevitable trip to rehab, his comeback, his prison stint, his endless slew of paternity suits, another comeback and eventual redemption in the eyes of his loving public.

Cuing PETA in 5,4,3….