Gene Simmons Has the Best (Worst) Publicist in the World

His predatorial tongue has given me nightmares—just like that ghost hand from the Evil Dead franchise—since I was a little kid. And now that the ubiquitous Gene Simmons is, well, more ubiquitous, so are the fever dreams. First, there was that sex tape. Then, spots on “The Celebrity Apprentice,” which was a misnomer, by the way. Now, there are “Ugly Betty” cameos, the third season of “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels,” and an upcoming book called Gene Simmons’ Ladies of the Night: A Historical and Personal Perspective on the World’s Oldest Profession, out July 8. But here’s the kicker:

“In connection with the book’s release, Phoenix Books is giving one lucky fan the chance to win a personalized voice mail greeting from Gene Simmons himself!” reads the press release that found itself in our inbox this morning. An answering machine message? Fans are asked to head over to to write a brief essay about the book.

This reminds me of that one time when thespian Pauly Shore called my friend’s cell phone, looking to pick up a girl he’d met earlier at a bar. We saved it, and all of our friends used it as our answering machine message for a month or two. It seemed totally weird after a while.

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