I’ve been in India for the past couple weeks (and before you ask, no, I didn’t happen upon Lindsay Lohan, although I did chance upon a crow shitting and that made me chime, “Metaphor!”) and I’ve learned a thing or two from seeing the stray dogs that tend to travel in packs down the street. If you throw meat or even rotten fruit at them from afar, they’ll keep coming back for more. It’s here you can draw a parallel with Chris Brown’s tweets, which are the most damnably rotten fruit you could ever ask for. And, the stray dogs who make up the world’s gossip blogger class, could ask for nothing more. It’s sad that C.Bro has left Twitter, thereby stripping us of many mango peels’ worth of delicious, easy scandal. But it should make Brown quite glad, to know that despite his colorful tweets, first week sales of Graffiti are looking well robust.
Some sales estimates have first week numbers coming in between 95,000 to 110,000. Rolling Stone even goes as far to report that such high sales should place him comfortably within Billboard’s Top 3 this week.
So, it’s perhaps for the best that handlers and label bosses have probably cracked down on Brown’s unprofessional Twittering habits–so they don’t negatively impact the healthy sales of a man so obviously mentally unhealthy. The last few days have been an incredible time to be tweevesdropping in on @MechanicalDummy (R.I.P.) So much drama! So much fury! So many exclamation points! It’s basically been like being stuck in the coach class of any overbooked airplane trip, with C.Bro kicking and screaming about how the world is just so unfair. I know, baby, I know. Now shush and suck down publicist-administered NyQuil because it’s a long flight, even if it’s all going to inevitably crash and burn once you wake up, leaving you stranded somewhere like I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!.
But lord, let’s not rest this item on you, Chris Brown. That’d be depressing. Let’s rest it on Rihanna. Because she knows how to conduct an album campaign with dignity, has excellent musical taste, and dazzles as GQ‘s January 2010 covergirl. Wow, Chris Brown, you screwed the pooch big, didn’t you?