Yesterday was Beyoncé’s 31st birthday, which God’s Most Perfect Child no doubt spent the day yachting, standing at the front of the boat with a cool Mediterranean breeze blowing through her golden curls. What’d you get her for her B-Day? I had a special calendar made for her in which every page is April and every day is the fourth. I know her so well! I also attached a note that read, “To B, you can do no wrong in my eyes, and don’t worry, I have erased the memory of watching Obsessed, although I would pick you over that stupid blonde whore any day, xoxo Ty Ty.” But I don’t know if she got my present because my note is not on her website!
Yes, Bey shared a handful of well wishes from her family and friends and famous family and famous friends on her website. All of the stars came out for this one: Solange, Tina Knowles, Mama Carter. Even Gwyneth Paltrow and her brood of Little Martins sent a long a birthday note, which I’m guessing you can see on GOOP when Paltrow shares the best spots to purchase organic birthday cards made from the shells of quail eggs. Take a look below:
Note that she scratched, “that’s a lot of paper!” on the side there. What does that mean? Some Illuminati code or just a private joke between BFFs?
More importantly, Michelle Williams, presumably the one from Destiny’s Child, also send a note, signed “Michelle Williams,” because you know she feels like she always has to remind Bey who she is.