Adam Lambert Would Like You to Drop Acid

Yesterday, as I strolled through my local supermarket’s poultry aisle, this song came on and I thought to myself, “How lovely! Melissa Etheridge has a new, youth-skewing single out! That is terrific of her!” But then just as I chanced upon racks of chicken feet, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Melissa Etheridge wailing, “Hey, slow it down / Whataya want from me / Whataya want from me / Yeah, I’m afraid / Whataya want from me / Whataya want from me.” But rather, it was the dulcet tones of Adam Lambert. What a babe! At this epiphany, I nearly threw up all over the open cooler of chicken’s feet. Whether that was due to the unnerving sight of hacked-off chicken feet selling for $1.59 a pound or to hearing this bit of pop discord is anyone’s guess. But good on Lambo for getting a radio station to play his song, especially after this kerfuffle. That makes it all the easier for him to pursue his latest goal: Encouraging America’s youth to drop acid. Adam, you rogue!

He tells The Metro:

My trip led me to some epiphanies about who I was as a performer, what I wanted to do and how I needed to create my own opportunities. When I got home, I started writing music with other people and went to the Idol audition. The vision was about finding opportunities. I wasn’t sitting in the desert in rave-wear thinking about Simon Cowell when I was on acid.

This makes sense! After so much toiling and aggravation, it becomes clear that For Your Entertainment fails to entertain because it was created in a controlled environment, where a label that had invested millions of dollars into his debut kept him on a pretty tight leash. Meaning that Lambert couldn’t go to the bathroom without talking to a half-dozen handlers, let alone wander down to his dealer.

This also means that somewhere, beneath that guyliner and glitter, there may yet be some pop genius. Just as parts of international rock sensation Tori Amos’ brilliant third record Boys For Pele was created with the assistance of various substances, Lambert’s next album–which could and should be titled Boi 4 Pele–will essentially reinvent the entire genre of pop as we know it and provide Lambert with the fortune he needs to buy up the entire globe’s supply of eye make-up.

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