International Franchise Expo: A Guide to Having the Time of Your Life

This Thursday I went to the International Franchise Expo hosted at the Jacob Javits Center. Their slogan is “450+ Brands. One Great City.” It was literally the best experience of my life.

It costs five dollars to get into the “main floor” which, as you will see in the pictures below, is the coolest room I’ve been in probably ever (and you get so many free samples of food that the thing pays for itself.) It will still be set up in the Javits Center until the 21st and I can’t really recommend anything better to do with a couple of hours this week, so you should really go.

No one is paying me to give you the hard sell on this, but like, I witnessed a lot of “hard selling” from the vendors while I was there so I guess I learned! IMG_5789

Even before I made my way to the main area I knew this thing was going to be tight as fuck and completely #blessed by #Hashem.

IMG_5792Idk why they listed me as a “Visiting Supplier,” I literally have no assets of any kind to supply (except my winning personality, duh).

Ok so this place is the epicenter of international commerce, I think. Actually, I don’t really know where they “hold” the stock market or what goes on in that room, but that seems a little more important than this, so I guess this is the demicenter of international commerce? Is that a word?

Anyway, think of a chain anything and there was a booth/mock storefront/weird pseudo living room set up for it.

IMG_5839This is an actual CEO of a company. He owns Canada’s #1 Poutine fast food chain. Canada is so weird lol.

IMG_5795This guy made me take a picture with him, and kept going “My hair is real!!!!!!! Is yours???? I’m your dad!!!!!!!!!” which was really weird and made me feel uncomfortable. He owns a franchise of wind turbines and solar panels, which I didn’t know was a “franchise option,” so that’s cool.

IMG_5796These are his employees though, and they’re actually both my boyfriend. I love them. I told them I would put them in my “article” if they danced for me, and then they did the cutest dance ever. Haha, if you guys had been smart enough to come to the Franchise Expo you would have seen the dance, but you missed out, suckers!!!!!!!!!!! Jk, you guys are so smart.

IMG_5859This is an interesting company named LashDip that gave me free neon blue and like, mauve mascara. They give you “falsies 4ever” or some weird slogan. I made that one up, but I think they should use it. Anyway, the “technician” who looks Russian but isn’t told me I looked really cute in my Tevas, so I like her and endorse LashDip mauve mascara.

IMG_5831 This is the Vara family, and I like spookily crept up on them and asked them a lot of personal questions and they think I’m really weird, but they’re the sweetest people ever. The matron of the family was MIA, getting some froyo or something (classic Mrs. Vara,) but they told me that they’re buying a franchise and each one of them gets a vote as to what they buy. The kids want to get this weird soda franchise that I don’t really understand, but the mom wants a smoothie franchise called Maui Wowie, which I didn’t explain to them was hilarious because I just didn’t have the heart :/ <3 you Varas, though. Look how much the daughter obviously hates me lol.

IMG_5867So I guess everyone caught on that people like frozen yogurt because there were approx. 30 froyo franchizes there, (one was blasting Adele the entire time which was really funny. Email me if you want a video of it,) but this one is by far my favorite. Look at their branding. #Normcore froyo lol. That screen says “The Future of Soft Serve.” Extremely trill.

IMG_5874This is an ear laser that you shoot into your ear and it makes you quit smoking. I don’t really get it but it seems really cool. This Expo is really about the future.

IMG_5883K. I mean, yeah, obviously. Right?

IMG_5890This dude is making the coolest face ever. I don’t remember the name of their store but it’s a Japanese noodle chain that they want to bring to America. They ran out of normal noodles, so they gave me gluten free ones and they were actually really tight, so. Anyway <3 you guys, miss you guys.

IMG_5886The NSA is always watching over commerce and us all. <3 you NSA!

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 12.35.54 PM This is also my boyfriend. He works at a beef jerky store. He gave me the spiciest one they sell, and I was like, “uh this isn’t spicy at all” and then like five minutes later I had to go to the TCBY stand and get some froyo (natch) to make my mouth stop burning.

IMG_5816My friends!!!! My ppl!!!!! My tribe!!!!!!! Is this offensive? I’m Jewish, so, like, I’m allowed. <3 you Judaism.

IMG_5794This is Ron and Ruthie Bzdewka (not Bruce Vilanch, lol, sry) who are so cute and won cupcake wars (which is one of the better TV shows) and are just trynna sell some cupcakes. Ily guys!

IMG_5826Also, fuck Tupac and Michael Jackson holograms because look at this hologram of this weird man!!!!! He’s the best hologram. He wins. New Opportunities.

IMG_5899Ok, then I left, and outside I met my other boyfriend, who is, like, really hot in like the worst possible way and was smoking a really cool looking e-cig. Idk, I have horrible taste in men. Lol.

Anyway, that was the Franchise Expo!!! I have like 475 more pictures, but I’m not going to post them because I want everyone to go and experience it for themselves. Or is it because I hit my word count limit. Which one is it????? You guess!!!!!!

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