Average In Every Way But One: Pray For Ron Jeremy

Ron Jeremy, the blue-collar porn star, is in a coma at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in L.A. He needs our prayers. As much a comic as a sex symbol, Ron, from what I can gather, suffered a cardiac aneurysm. Average in almost every way except one, Ron wanted to get into movies but didn’t get far. He ended up exploiting the one way in which he was more than ordinary. Endowed beyond belief, he became a hero to those who found him easier to relate to than some handsome stud. He was the everyman porn star with a humorous edge.  

Ron is a friend. Actually, we share a best friend. We grew up near each other and went to the same college at the same time. I’m a month older, but we didn’t hang until the 90s. I brought him to the last Bartenders Ball I helped throw at The Hammerstein Ballroom. He just took over. The B-52s headlined, but it was Ron who brought down the house. Sometimes we’d walk down the city streets together with our mutual friend and some others in tow. Everybody knew him. Construction workers shouted "hey, you’re that guy," or just applauded. Somehow, his average looks let them relate to him. He was getting what they wanted and – save for just a couple of inches and an abandonment of their entire way of life – they could have. Thousands lived vicariously through him.

Once we were on some yacht in the Hudson and got perilously close to the Fourth of July fireworks. The coast guard boarded us. Their commander was in a foul mood. We were overcrowded with club people, including hot girls in various stages of dress/undress. The commander did a double take on Ron, and I jumped at the moment. "Sir, may I introduce you to Ron Jeremy? Ron shake the man’s hand.” Ron jumped up and they shook hands. I quipped, "Sir, can you imagine where Ron’s hand has been?” Everyone laughed and the attitude changed. We were told to move away from where we were, and no tickets were issued.

Everyone loves Ron. Now he needs everyone to pray for him. His inner circle is with him. They want me to say that "all content put out to the press was BS" and from "people who are not here.” He’s in Cedars-Sinai’s top-level Cardiac ICU. You cannot visit but you can pray.

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