Despite a running time of two minutes and twenty-two seconds, the trailer for Wrath of the Titans is more or less inscrutable. I mean, do you know what’s going on? There are CGI warriors jumping down to Earth, as well as CGI Liam Neeson looking super, super dusty. There is Sam Worthington, doing his patented tough guy in a tough situation thing, and a secretly hilarious Marilyn Manson cover of "Sweet Dreams" blasting in the background. There are giants and swords and shaky cam and oh so many explosions. It looks par for the course for every cash-in sequel, basically.
Did you see Clash of the Titans last year? It was loud and flashy, and maybe good. I don’t know, I didn’t see it, because it’s far easier to sit in bed. It did elicit a particular kind of huff-jeez dork rage from me and other bored man-children, because its take on Greek mythology was seriously, seriously flawed. I guess it’s to be expected, but when Hollywood tackles stories like the Iliad and Hercules and Perseus, etc., they runs everything in a CGI blender until the individual elements are indistinguishable to a seven-year old. Wrath does look passably entertaining, and I know, I know, expecting accuracy for a bunch of made-up, thousands-of-years-old stories. But, eh, sit on a tack.
What Greek myth do you want the Titans team to tackle next? Growing up, I had a lot of favorite ones. There’s the one where Theseus doesn’t know how to defeat the Titans until Hephaestus is like, "Yo, I made you this sword out of fire and diamonds, it is too sick" and then they bump fists before throwing down. I also like the one where Hercules walks into Olympus only to see Aphrodite washing a chariot while blasting Bad Company and is all, "Damn, damn, my half-sister is super fine, I need to get on that." There’s plenty of ripe material for a trilogy, I think. Please cast Channing Tatum!