As of this writing, Rotten Tomatoes has cataloged 112 reviews of Pixar’s Toy Story 3, which opens today, and every single one of them certifies it fresh. If the trend continues, Toy Story 3 could overtake Toy Story 2 as Rotten Tomatoes’ Best Reviewed Movie of All Time (Toy Story 2‘s record stands at 147 reviews, all positive). It’s a thrilling occasion for movie nerds like me, who obsessively track what films are doing well in which box office, and which are getting critical praise. But, it does bring up a haunting question: when will Armond White review Toy Story 3?
If you’re not familiar with White, then congratulations: sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Armond is a film critic who writes primarily for The New York Press and Film Comment, but mostly he is a troll who purposefully gives good movies bad reviews. Roger Ebert, the Chicago Sun-Times’ legendary film critic, launched a defense of Armond’s work last summer and, eventually, had to concede that he was wrong about the contentious critic:
I realized I had to withdraw my overall defense of White. I was not familiar enough with his work. It is baffling to me that a critic could praise “Transformers 2” but not “Synecdoche, NY.” Or “Death Race” but not “There Will be Blood.” I am forced to conclude that White is, as charged, a troll. A smart and knowing one, but a troll.
If you need further proof of White’s staggering ability to infuriate, you need only look at his 2009 “Better-Than” list. In Armond’s world, Gentlemen Broncos was better than Inglorious Basterds and Brothers was better than The Hurt Locker. Taste is subjective, but come on. Or, you could look at his 2008 “Better-Than” list, in which White declared Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull better than Iron Man and Transporter 3 better than The Dark Knight. Come. The. Fuck. On.
I haven’t seen Toy Story 3 yet, but, by every account, it’s an excellent movie. So, the question must be asked: how long until Armond White decides to ruin its perfect run? How long before good ol’ Armond just has to be the one to drop the figurative deuce into the swimming pool? If history tells us anything, it won’t be long.