Well, this is good news for adult men whose only issue with the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was that the chick who played April didn’t give them enough boners on account of her face and body looking, well, like a normal human woman’s. Megan Fox, whose face resembles, of all things, a visual labyrinth, a concealed butterfly, and waves crisscrossing a lake, will don the yellow trench coat as the reporter who becomes the main squeeze of life-sized teenage turtles. I could go on about how this fulfills the fantasy of every straight man born between 1979 and 1989, but good lord, I’m exhausted. Basically, I hope all the dudes stuck in a period of sustained adolescence have fun masturbating to Megan Fox in another dumb movie.
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