Lindsay Lohan Is Super Jealous of Amanda Bynes

My friend told me over the weekend, "I wish I loved anything as much as Amanda Bynes loves to drive." The former Nickelodeon star has been in trouble several times in the last few months for a DUI and two hit-and-run charges. Last week, TMZ published photos of Bynes smoking from a "drug pipe" and close-up shots of her filthy car. And yesterday, cops pulled her over again and impounded her car, as she was driving on a suspended license. Girl loves to drive! She also loves to get high, which is understandable, but, like, wouldn’t she rather just do that on her couch where there is TV and snacks and she wouldn’t have to worry about power steering (what is that, anyway? Weird) and the complicated car stereo system and, ugh, like, how annoying is it when you don’t have power windows and have to turn those old-timey crank things to make the windows go down, but wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if instead of going to the gym you could do, like, a million reps on those things and really beef up your arms. (That’s a great idea. I should write it down.) 

But I digress. Lindsay Lohan, to whom plently of people have compared Bynes because, you know, they are women, took to Twitter to air her frustrations as to why her apparent rival has been able to dodge jail time:

I don’t know, Linds, because I’m no legal expert, but I think it has something to do with misdemeanors and cocaine and jewelry thefts and such. Sorry! But, really, can you blame Lohan for being pissed? I mean, Amanda Bynes gets to spend her whole day fucked up and drivin’ around and talking to herself at the gym, and poor Lindsay Lohan has to pose for Playboy and shoot Lifetime movies just to pay her rent. The real question, though: do you think their parents ever get into fights about which one is the worst and who is the most to blame for ruining their daughters’ lives by pushing them into showbiz at young ages and contributing to our misogynistic celebrity culture?

Contact the author of this post at tcoates@bbook.com, and follow him on Twitter.

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