Kiefer Sutherland vs. Jack McCollough: Fashion as Dangerous Business

We’ve heard of crimes of fashion (suit jackets worn with shorts or Bjork’s infamous run-in with a swan), but this is ridiculous. The latest tiff between actor Kiefer Sutherland of 24 fame and fashion designer Jack McCollough, one half of design duo Proenza Schouler, has shown that potentially deadly weapons, such as knives, guns, and even fists, are so not in vogue anymore. Now we’re into headbutting. I mean, it is spring, people, and we can’t have burdensome accessories weighing down our scantily appropriate outfits, and really, fistfights went out with Brody Jenner. It’s nice to see the economy’s cutbacks are affecting how celebrities settle their differences. We might even see his choice to use the thick, frontal cranial bones as Kiefer being considerate to McCollough, since the designer’s hands are his money maker, and we all know the man behind the brand’s trademark lacy bustiers wouldn’t take standard fisticuffs sitting down.

It is kind of sad, though, when A-game actors playing heroes on TV start to target fashion designers as their social prey — and over Brooke Shields? I mean, over what, really, could they have been fighting? Kief, has Sex and the City taught you nothing? A woman’s stylist, whether fashion designer or simple, flamboyant wedding planner, won’t ever actually come between her and her man. The only moves McCollough will ever put on Shields will be the tightening of aforementioned lace bustier, so let’s put our heads together and think about that.

When did fashion become the victim? I can see messy collections garnering some negative criticism, but one of the most affected arts in the field has suffered some pretty harsh treatment in the past. The tragic murder of Gianni Versace. Isabella Blow’s socially-motivated suicide. Gianpaolo Tarabini’s run-in with an angry elephant. The brutal slaying of Filipino designer Ernesto Santiago. And now poor Jack McCollough’s nose.

We do, however, applaud Sutherland for turning himself in, leaving Jackie the hapless victim — maybe sympathy felt among the fashion elite who can still afford Proenza’s hefty price tags will imbue them to make some much-needed empathetic purchases.

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