Bid Online Now on 100s of Artworks by Cindy Sherman, Mario Testino and More for MTV Re:Define

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Untitled works by Cindy Sherman, 1980/2012. Courtesy of the artist and Metro Pictures, New York.

It seems like every other week there’s a new excuse to throw on your “These Boots Were Made For Walking” playlist and head to Texas for some fantastic cultural event. And this week that event would be the fourth annual MTV Re:Define, a world premiere art exhibition, auction and fundraiser gala to benefit the Dallas Contemporary and MTV Staying Alive Foundation, an international content-producing and grant-giving organization dedicated to stopping the spread of HIV among young people. Last year’s event raised over $2 million dollars.

Taking place on April 10th during Dallas Art Fair week, this year’s event (presented by the Goss-Michael Foundation and curated by Peter Doroshenko and The Future Tense) will be honoring Michael Craig-Martin (the godfather of British Conceptual Art), and will feature over 100 works from artists Cindy Sherman, Damien Hirst, Mario Testino, Tom Sachs, and many more. Even if you can’t squeeze in a last minute trip to Dallas, you can bid on the radically cool auction live now on Paddle 8.

Below are some works we have our eyes on.

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Attempt 124, Arthur Pena, 2014. Courtesy of Arthur Pena

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Receipe Book Cone, Donald Baechler, 2012. Courtesy of Cheim & Reid and the artist.

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Tribute to Edward Hopper/Another night at the Phillies Bar, Gerard Rancinan, 2014. Courtesy of the artist.

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Umbrella (blue), Michael Craig-Martin, 2011. Courtesy of Gagosian Gallery.

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Dollar Flower, Nate Lowman, 2015. Courtesy of the artist and Maccarone (New York) and Massimo de Carlo (London and Milan).

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enza, Richard Phillips, 2015. Courtesy of Richard Philips Studio and Gagosian Gallery.

Klaus Thymann’s Photographs of Extreme Destinations Around the Globe

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Photos by Klaus Thymann, courtesy of Casio G-Shock

Photographer and creative director Klaus Thymann (who shot BlackBook’s relaunch issue cover, coming mid April!) recently partnered with Casio G-Shock to test the capabilities of the GPW1000, the world’s first GPS Atomic Solar Hybrid watch. Testing took place in extreme conditions — think glaciers, a water and sulfur filled sinkhole, and an active volcano. Incredible images followed. Thymann spoke to BlackBook about the challenges of the trip, the beauty of the earth, and the precarious position from where he planned out the BlackBook cover.

An exhibition of the photos, Timezone, runs March 26 through April 9 at The Supermarket, 393 Broadway, New York.

Tell me a little bit about the project with Casio G-Shock, what was enticing about working with this particular watch? 

I think images can be a really powerful way to inspire people. Getting the opportunity to go around the world to extreme locations and take images of pristine landscapes that can hopefully inspire people to care about the planet — it was a great opportunity, something that I’ve been dying to do. That was main motivation. Secondly getting to go on a big adventure is something that I’m quite keen on and very happy about. It kind of ticked all the boxes. I conceptualized the journey and which locations to go to. There was a lot of input from my side.

You traveled to Cenote Agelita, a swimmable sinkhole in Mexico; Fox Glacier, New Zealand; Mount Nyiragongo, in the Congo. What was it about these places that drew you to them?

Each individual location shows something unique and, they each have something very special about them. Conete Agelita, Mexico, is like a nightmare. It’s evil — I wouldn’t say it’s scary, because I don’t really get scared. A lot of the cenotes are crystal clear. They’re very beautiful and kind of picturesque, in a dreamy world, and this is more like a nightmare. I was in Mexico last year doing another project and I heard about this, I really wanted to go back ever since. Diving in a sulfur cloud is an amazing experience. It looks surreal; it kind of defies gravity and reality in a lot of ways. It’s not really until you see bubbles that you understand you’re underwater. It’s quite fascinating.

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Then in Congo, it’s a place that most people won’t go to because you have to have armed guards to get there. It’s not an ideal holiday, going somewhere where you have to have dudes with AK47s to help you. But it is absolutely stunning. It was a kind of place I had my eye on for a while.

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And then New Zealand with the glaciers — that ties into a project I’ve been doing for a long time, documenting glaciers around the world. There are about 300,000 glaciers in the world, and the Fox Glacier is one of only two that connects with the temperate rainforest. It’s a really spectacular sight. Those were my personal motivations. And then it tied in great with the product because it’s waterproof, it’s impossible to break really, so going to these extreme places and testing it, it kind of all worked out.

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Was there an aspect of danger that drew you in?

I don’t think it’s that dangerous. The place in Mexico is perfectly safe to dive, and if you know what you’re doing you’re fine. The only place that carried a little bit of risk is Congo, and that is because of the ongoing conflict.

Did you run into any trouble there?

A little bit, I mean, there was one point we had to stop what we were doing because there was someone with a gun who didn’t want us to be filming there. You say yes and move on. When people have weapons, then you don’t argue.

What are a few other remote/uninhabited locations on your future hit list of shoot locations?

There are a few places I’d like to go. There are some volcanic glaciers in Kamchata, it’s a Russian peninsula. If you go north from Japan you’ll hit it in Russia. There’s sea in between but it’s over that way. That’s on top of my list. I’ve put in an exploration funding application so we’ll see what happens.

What’s your involvement with Project Pressure?

It’s a charity that I founded. We document glaciers all over the world. Other artists are involved as well. Simon Norfolk did a really cool project in Kenya last year that was in the New York Times Magazine. We’re working with other great artists whose work we use as inspiration to get people to change their behavior. So hopefully we won’t drive this planet in a direction that’s completely unsustainable. But we want to create and inspire people to action instead of finger pointing and negative statistics.

Without giving it away, can you tell me a little something about the BlackBook cover… a little hint for the reader?

Because of the deadline with BlackBook, we had to shoot pretty much the day I finished this around the world trip. So we had everything lined up, and I had my studio manager plan everything whilst I was traveling around the globe on this project. I think we had some conversations via satellite phone from the top of the volcano, making sure that the BlackBook cover was all going to plan.

Watch the documentary of Thymann’s trip around the world here:

A Photographic Journey through SXSW with Todd DiCiurcio

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All photos by Megan DiCiurcio unless otherwise noted.

Todd DiCiurcio is a New York based artist whose work blurs the line between drawing/painting and performance; he creates the work as musicians perform in front of him, responding to the ambiance, the musician, and the performance itself. His work winds up almost as a vivid collaboration with the energy of the music present in his work. He’s documented performances from artists like Bon Jovi, New Order, and The Rolling Stones, and for SXSW, he captured performances from Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros to Zoe Kravitz. Here, his diary from the festival.

Day 1:  The rubber hit the road in Austin the moment we got off the plane.  Greeted by Austin’s treasures, designer Gail Chovan and neon sculptor Evan Voyles, we got the party started at Billy Reid/Third Man Records’ Austin Shindig.  (Above photo by Taylor Steele.)

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Getting warmed up on a collab with Creed Voyles.  He & his twin sister Zelda were born with Toxoplasmosis…Creed, 77 surgeries later, & Zelda not far behind are ready to change the world with their gifts.

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Megs stays cool in Tommy while walking around Austin. Photo by Todd DiCiurcio 

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The morning of the big day.  Arriving at Spotify House to set up the Squarespace Artist Lounge for me to create from.

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Loved having the Spotify VIP Artist Green House to chill & show the musicians my work in progress post-performance.

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Sharpening my tools…

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Laying the grounds for the coming sounds.

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Wake Up Call:  Wyclef Jean kicks things off with in his own words,  a “Brooklyn Block Party”.

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Megs staying dry after we moved the operation to another area due to rain. Photo by Todd DiCiurcio

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Making marks with Prhyme during the finale performance.

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Joey Bada$$ with a SZA shoulder mix….

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The finale work from Squarespace Artist Lounge at Spotify House. From left to right:  DJ Maseo, Prhyme, Wale, Wyclef, Pell, Joey Bada$$ & SZA.

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The good vibes at SXSW brought me to New Community’s private NoName House next.  Here I was able to draw Summer Moon, The Letts,  & The Mystery Lights

Finished piece of Summer Moon performing, made up of the Like’s Tennessee Thomas on drums, Nikolai Fraiture of The Strokes on vocals and bass, Au Revoir Simone’s Erika Spring on keyboards & Lewis Lazar on guitar.

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The Letts artwork.

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The Mystery Lights piece.

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Finished drawing The Mystery Lights.  Photo by Taylor Steele 

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Next up,  a visit to church where Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros performed their new album in its entirety for the first time. For all of us sinners…hallelujah!

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Drawing of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

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In the stained glass light, confessions with Brooklyn’s own, Alberta Cross.

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Drawing of Alberta Cross.

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Earlier this night I caught up with Lolawolf, featuring Zoe Kravitz on vocals.

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Austin dawns & we walk on:  Recharging in Gail & Evan’s Austin studio for the day & into the night where some brilliant secret performances happened by Dan Dyer,  Shelley Colvin, Darden Smith, David Garza, Kirby Brown, Wesley Geiger, Evan Voyles & others.

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Shelley Colvin,  Dan Dyer & Evan Voyles.

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Shelley Colvin & Dan Dyer artwork

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David Garza, Darden Smith & Dan Dyer piece.

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Evan Voyles

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Taking it all in with Jez Donohoe, The Bearded Bastard,  Taylor Steele & Megs. Photo by Todd DiCiurcio 

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New Daze….Amped to catch a show by legend Steve Smyth!

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Drawing Steve Smyth.

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Finished drawing of Steve Smyth.

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And on the last day,  Thee Oh Sees were created in The Spider House Ballroom,  Austin.  Michelle at Panache Booking (@panachebooking) throws the coolest underground parties EVER.

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Finished Thee Oh Sees drawing outside the venue.

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Some bathroom reading.

5 Art Shows to Get You Ready for New York Art Week

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Jack Pierson. Image courtesy of artist and Maccarone.

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Leonardo Drew at Pace Prints, 521 W 26 St., NYC

leonardoDrew_PaceLeonardo Drew, 38P, 2014. Photo courtesy of Pace Prints.

In keeping with next week’s Art on Paper fair, Drew works with the raw pulp of paper to create textured surfaces. The ripples and tears emphasize the fragility of the organic, evoking both abstract form and the bare elements. Opens Feb 27.

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Jack Pierson at Maccarone, 630 Greenwich St., NYC

jackpierson_maccaroneGallery view. Photo courtesy of Maccarone. 

Pierson’s show, Paintings, consists of a series of sensual photographs transferred to canvas, in an experiment to both reveal and break the preconceived notions of painting and photography as mediums. The duality between the two is also explored through subjects thematically as the vulgar and the pure, mainstream culture and counter-culture, distortion and clarity. Ends March 7.

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2015 Triennial: Surround Audience at New Museum, 235 Bowery, NYC

TRIENNIAL_newmuseumJuliana Huxtable, Untitled, 2014 (detail). Courtesy the artist and New Museum.

Sound Audience, co-curated by Lauren Cornell and Ryan Trecartin, is a exploration into artist’s rights, privacy and the breakdown of power systems, within the context of the online, social media cultural climate. Featuring over 51 artists from all over the world, the exhibit runs from February 25 to May 24.

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Tomi Ungerer at The Drawing Center, 35 Wooster St., NYC

tomiUngerer_drawingcenterTomi Ungerer, Eat, 1969. Image courtesy of Rennert’s Gallery and The Drawing Center.

This exhibition, All In One, focuses on major works by the famed illustrator, whose drawings run the gamut from beloved children’s books to compelling political posters to witty advertising campaigns for The New York Times and Village Voice. Though he’s not well-known in America due to his self-imposed exile, the works on display are impossible to easily forget. Ends March 22.

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Ernst Fischer at CUE Art Foundation, 137 W 25th St., NYC

ErsntFischer_CUEErnst Fischer, Lead 1, 2014. Photo courtesy of CUE Art Foundation.

Fischer seeks to exceed mechanical limitations by pushing his homemade camera to it’s breaking point, and ending up with these brilliant exposures. Somewhere between a digital effect and a mistake, the works seeks to the repurpose the camera and deconstruction the image. Ends March 14.

Zoë Buckman’s First Solo Show Keeps It Really Real

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Portrait of the artist by Jessica Malaflouris. Photo courtesy of the artist and Bethanie Brady Artist Management

Stepping into Zoë Buckman’s East Village art studio can feel like entering the mind of a manic pixie dream artist. A fragrant candle fills the room with an intoxicating sweetness that paradoxically blends quite well with the Biggie Smalls playing at café volume. Like a sprightly urban apparition, Buckman bounces forth in her Airmaxes, plaid pants, and nameplate necklace before introducing herself in the sort of British accent that we genuinely wish would narrate every children’s book ever.

But the spell soon breaks.

“Oh,” she abruptly turned away from us and toward the corner of her studio, “I forgot,” her eyes widened as if she had left something on the stove, “to plug this one in.” And with that we were back to life, back to reality, as that old En Vogue song goes, and it soon became clear, from her work, that was precisely where she wanted us to be.

Moments later, we were before a giant illuminated neon hourglass that will appear in her first solo show, “Present Life,” which opens tonight, Tuesday, February 24th, from 6-8 p.m. at the Garis & Hahn Gallery on Bowery. “One of the reasons working with neon really interests me is that is seems so inorganically bright, so unnatural, but it actually has a limited lifespan, just like organic life – once the neon runs out, it’s gone, it dies.” Buchman is unabashedly and authentically obsessed with life and death. As she walks us through each piece that will be in the show — a mix of sculpture, photography, and neons — it’s clear that, unlike artists who attempt to erase their identity from their work and either hide behind eidetic concepts or claim that they have no interest in interpreting their own work’s meaning, Buckman belongs to a new breed of disarmingly sincere artists; she tells you exactly what she’s up to and what she’s trying to do in an in-your-face, no bullshit way. This rising tide of “metamodern” artists understandably questions the need to make the sort of art that is “the lie that tells the truth” when they feel as if they can simply make art that tells the truth. Their approach is more direct, less concerned with its intertextual matrix of referentiality, and positively obsessed with the heartfelt creation of meaning. “There’s not much as important to me as authenticity,” says Buckman “I will always strive to be me, do me, own my shit and be real.”

Buckman sees no reason to hide her wiring.

The pieces in “Present Life” are disturbingly personal. Metaphorically, one might say that a work “springs from an artist’s womb,” and characterizing the emergence of meaning as a form of midwifery goes back as least as far as Platonic maieutics, but in “Present Life” we are presented with the artist’s actual womb. Buchman plasticized her placenta. What’s more, she doesn’t let it stand on its own like some unnamable signifier, a placental aporia into which a flurry of pedantic readers may find some always already contextual meaning. More than simply acknowledging that “all art is autobiography,” she’s quick to tell the story of how every single one of her works organically derives from her own real life. Following the birth of her daughter, she explains, she was told that a defect in her placenta–that placenta–the  source of fetal nourishment, could have nearly killed her unborn child, so she decided to directly approach that very ambiguous life-giving and potentially life-taking organ, freeze it in everlasting polymer and set it in a marble egg-like coffin for the world to see.

And those sorts of deeply personal stories, internal dialogues, questions, anxieties, and concerns with, well, life and death, inform all the work in this show. The entire effect is refreshingly real.

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Untitled 9 (Present Life), 2013 

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Dustin Yellin’s “Psychogeographies,” A Chat with the Artist About the Latest NYCB’s Artist Series

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Brooklyn based artist Dustin Yellin has already wowed hundreds of viewers this month with his exhibition “Psychogeographies” currently on display at the New York City Ballet. Yellin is the third artist to take part in the NYCB’s Artist Series, which allows contemporary artists a chance to create original work inspired by the movement and energy the NYCB dancers create.

The artist, who is best known for his sculptural paintings and dystopian themes, created fifteen window sandwiches made of 3,000-pound microscope slides glued together. Every glass panel contains cut up books, magazines, and trash Yellin found on the street creating human forms trapped inside. The vibrant colors, fluid formations and details make for beautiful accidents allowing viewers to find something new inside each piece every time you are in front of them.

We had the chance to sit down with Dustin and discuss the inspiration behind “Psychogeographies,” what fuels his creativity and the upcoming projects the talented artist is working on.

When did you first begin the creative process on Psychogeographies and did something spark the initial interest for you?

I believe I was in the ruins. In the dumps. Or I was on a mountain. Rowing a boat. Gently down the forest. When the idea came to me. A static figure in glass. Among birch trees. Light breaking through the branches. Like King Arthur finding the stone with the sword stabbed into it. I walked a long hallway of trees ‘til I reached what felt like the center. I imagined glass but also branches. And on the branches the berries the birds eat like eyes. I began to seriously consider that this vision was an actual landscape–That I, as a figure, inhabited a place within my neural-connected-dust-accumulator.

Soon it was understood the image was now a physical part of my brain. An image of something I had experienced as real as the bone in my arm. That’s when I began to think of the figures as being composed of images –collage and sculpture–one activating the other—seemed most capable of articulating this idea. That once we have seen, experienced something–it is embedded in us. As though frozen in the lakes of our time.

How are the seasons and different weather conditions portrayed throughout the exhibition showing at the New York City Ballet?

Weather is metaphor for changing conditions. Changing minds. The provisional condition.

The movement portrayed with each piece seems like such a great fit with the Ballet Art Series. Could you tell me a little bit about that cohesiveness?

I’ve said elsewhere that I’ve walked into a room in which there was a single dancer, dancing, not to music, but just to the natural rhythm and feeling of having a body, and I heard music. This is what I sought to capture with the exhibition.

While watching the film I notice the color vibrancy in each of the works. Was this an organic outcome because of all the materials used or planned?

Everything is planned. Even the accidents are planned. You allow for the light by grasping the cord for the blinds. When you pull the blinds up you know the light will come flooding into the room.

Are there any projects in the near future you are working on that the BlackBook readers can keep an eye out for?

I’m working on a film right now, as well as curatorial gig. Plus I have my book coming out that will be titled Heavy Water. Look for that with Rizzoli.

Who/what inspires you on a daily basis? Maybe a song/musician that gets you going each day, a recent travel adventure, or someone who constantly helps feed your creativity.

What I read.

What I forget.

What I eat.

Nature, I suppose. Those old things. Like the ocean.

The idea that I could outlive the ocean.

Which is a sort of unfathomable future memory.

The fact we live in domiciles, apartments, tree houses, caves.

The resourcefulness of our species.

Its kindness and meanness.

Yellin’s “Psychogeographies” will be on display through February at the New York City Ballet. For more information on the exhibition or Dustin Yellin’s non-profit institute Pioneer Works click here and here.

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Cult Artist Clayton Patterson on His Folk-Futuristic Collaboration with Siki Im

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For cult Lower East Side artist Clayton Patterson, collaborating with designer Siki Im was a natural fit. Patterson’s work in embroidery requires a certain level of craftsmanship, it’s hands on and impossible to mass produce — one guy in Jersey is overseeing each individual stitch.

“That’s a big part of [Siki’s] aesthetic, is the craftsmanship,” says Patterson. “I know his style and his look, he has that sort of Asian, almost martial arts, kind of working people’s clothing, and high fashion, so it was an honor for me to work with him.”

Im’s all black collection receives punches of hyper bright colors — all Patterson’s own threads — done, as Patterson mentioned, by his guy in New Jersey. Patterson, along with his partner Elsa Rensaa, has been using this artisanal chainstitch embroidery method as a social commentary on the changes and gentrification of the neighborhood. This is their folk art.

“It’s interesting because [Siki’s designs are] sort of pre industrial in a way. This kind of embroidery is more like a craft, like folk art. Nowadays things are most things are all computer and are sort of just mass manufactured. This is a lot of hands on, craftsmanship, individually made,” said Patterson.

The two were introduced by a mutual friend who put together a recent show of Patterson’s on 9th Avenue, when Patterson and Im realized they had similar interests in the Lower East Side, skaters, hardcore bands, and Patterson’s LES imagery. The collaboration kicked off from there.

“Siki’s clothes remind me of traditional Asian clothes. I think that combination of ideas of ancestors, antique, preindustrial craftsmanship, handmade, all of that is part of this whole aesthetic.”

Siki Im’s collection is, as usual, completed in only natural materials. Cashmere, wool, cotton, and silk from Japan and Italy in all black allow Patterson’s vivid chainstitch embroideries to really pop and speak on Im’s collarless, lapel-less designs. Oversized, and cropped wide trousers paired with kimono overcoats, and crew necks with elongated sleeves create new, super elegant silhouettes. There’s an ease of movement to Im’s designs that allow the wearer total control over his immediate environment. The clothes speak for themselves as always, but this season they’re saying something extra.

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Images courtesy of Siki Im

 

Fall in Love with These 5 NYC Gallery Shows This Weekend

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Installation view of Noriyuki Haraguchi’s Oil Pool. Photo courtesy of Fergus McCaffery

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Ron Arad at Paul Kasmin Gallery515 West 27th St., NYC

Showing for the first time in the U.S., In Reversefeatures a series of crushed 500 Fiats as 3D “action paintings”. Lying somewhere between sculpture and installation, Arad’s work shows the ultimate fragility in medium and reality. Opens February 12.

RonArad_PaulKasmin Ron Arad, Pressed Flower Petrol Blue, 2013. Photo courtesy of Paul Kasmin Gallery.

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Erik van Lieshout at Anton Kern Gallery532 W 20th St., NYC

The I am in heaven exhibition includes a tunnel viewers can wander down to find van Lieshout’s feature film, WORK*, a documentary exploring the dynamics at play in a relationship between a film producer, the investors and the artist’s ego. Ends February 28.

ak_11090_VAN_Untitled Erik von Lieshout, Untitled, 2014. Courtesy of Anton Kern Gallery.

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Richard Pousette-Dart at Pace Gallery510 W 25th St., NYC

Make sure to catch this New York School master at Pace before it clsoes on saturday. Playing with geometric shapes and painting in layers, Pousette-Dart explores physical and spiritual boundaries within minimalist style. Ends February 14.

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Richard Pousette-Dart, White Circle, Time, 1979–80. ©2014 Estate Of Rirchard Pousette-Dart. Photo courtesy of Pace Gallery.

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Alex Wezler at Morgan Lehman Gallery, 535 West 22nd St., NYC.

Experimenting with space and found images, Wexler’s new exhibition delves into the constructed abstract in a collage framework. The playful lines, shapes and colors finds balance in the artist’s complex use of positive and negative space. Opens February 12.

AaronWexler_2 Aaron Wexler, Sure, 2014. Photo courtesy of Morgan Lehman Gallery.

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Noriyuki Haraguchi at Fergus McCaffery514 W 26th St., NYC

Haraguchi’s politically charged installation pieces are “Post-minimal” poetry. The large-scale works stand in quiet stillness, but the loud message they convey remains reverberating through viewer’s minds and the art world. Ends February 21.

Haraguchi-Oil-Pool-FergusMcCaffery Installation view of Noriyuki Haraguchi’s Oil Pool. Photo courtesy of Fergus McCaffery.

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52 Ways to Say I Love You

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Photo: Sarah Bourque on Flickr

You’re probably bored with all this talk about Valentines Day. And that’s because we, as a culture, suck at saying “I love you.” Which sucks because love rules! So here are 52 savagely original ways to say “I love you.”

1. In a candlelit moment, softly whisper, “I’m not sorry”

Address your love’s shocked face by saying, “It’s because love means never having to say you’re sorry, and since I’m never not in love with you, I’m always not sorry.”

2. Pour a glass of wine on yourself at a romantic dinner

As the crowd stares, stand up like Scarface, point at the stain and shout, “Look, love makes even a stain look beautiful – Confucius said that!”

3. Get your favorite sports drink and use a Sharpie to put this on its label, “If what we feel were in here, it would be the greatest refreshment.”

If your love doesn’t instantly drink it up, explain, “Picasso said that love is the greatest refreshment in life.”

4. Dress up like Napoleon

Declare “Love conquers all!”

5. 3D Print a Figurine of Lloyd Dobler Standing In Front of a Cutlass Supreme with a Boombox in His Hands

Make sure that when your love touches the figurine, it begins playing, “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel

6. Buy Your Love a Second Class Ticket on the Titanic II

Buy yourself a first class ticket. Get the fabricators who make puppies for Jeff Koons to build a massive iceberg and plop it down in the middle of the course for the Titanic II’s maiden voyage. You know how the rest of the story goes…

7. Give Your Love a Bottle of Medicine that Expired Ages Ago

When your love wonders why you have chosen such a gift, sing Bon Jovi: “Your love is like bad medicine. And bad medicine is what I need.”

8. Out of the blue, scream, “You are so grossly different from everyone else!”

Respond to you love’s shock and awe with Shaw: “For love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.”

9. Buy your love a miniature globe

With your love observing, spin the globe while gazing into your love’s eyes and saying, “love makes the world go round.”

10. Douse a springtime plant in Chanel No. 5 and then throw it in an empty construction pit close to where you and your love are having dinner

On an after dinner walk, hand your love a pair of binoculars and direct your love’s gaze toward the plant; when the plant is detected by your love, recite this line of Flaubert: “You see, love is a springtime plant that perfumes everything with its hope, even the ruins to which it clings.”

11. Send your love an email with this subject line: “I want to eat your cake.”

In the body, explain: “No, Beyoncé fan, I’m not talking about recreating that scene from Girls. (Unless you want me to 😉 I was alluding to this sweet piece of proverbial wisdom: ‘If romance is the icing; love is the cake.’ What I mean is that I’m hungry for both from your ass: Cake, i.e., love, and icing, i.e, romance).

12. When your love is texting, grab your love’s phone and throw it against the wall

Shrug and say, “I did it because I love you –  and attention is the most basic form of love.’”

13. Take your love on one of those zero gravity flights

Float over and announce, “I brought you here because Einstein Said, ‘Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love,’ and now I know that’s true cuz I still love you.”

14. Hire a private investigator to uncover something new about your beloved that even your beloved doesn’t know

After revealing the information to your beloved and facing a look of disquietude, quote André Breton: “You see, love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.”

15. Buy your love some Clearasil, include a note saying, “you no longer need this.”

When your love’s face turns red, blame John Lennon, who said, “when you’re in love everything is clearer.”

16. Replace all of the doors and windows in your love’s apartment and house, and then keep them wide open and unlocked in advance of your love’s return.

When your love calls you up in a panic, quote Mignon McLaughlin: “Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.”

17. Treat your love to an impassioned rendition of The World that I Know by“Collective Soul”

Respond to anything less than a standing O with this quote by Aristotle, “love is composed of a single collective soul inhabiting two bodies.”

18. Buy your love a one-way ticket to a foreign country

When your love calls you up from the country, wondering where the hell you are, brandish Truman Capote: “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.”

19. Pick a vicious fight about something trivial

In media res, explain that you intentionally picked the trivial fight for absolutely no reason because Racine said “The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.”

20. Wear an “I’m with stupid” shirt with the arrow pointing up at your own face

Maniacally inform your beloved, “well, they say one cannot be in love and be wise.”

21. If your love is rich, download a copy of his or her bank statements, photoshop in a balance of zero, and leave it in the sock drawer

When you’re love finds it, and runs to the computer suspecting a hacking, scream, “I would love you even if that were your actual bank statement.”

22. If your love is poor, download a copy of his or her bank statements, and leave it in the sock drawer

When your love finds it and is puzzled by who would do such a thing, whisper, “I love you even though that is your actual bank statement.”

23. Take your love to the bench in front of the Brooklyn Bridge where Woody Allen takes Diane Keaton

When you sit down, say, “You know this is the bridge were Woody Allen takes Diane Keaton in Manhattan.”

24. Take your love to the bench in front of the Verrazano bridge where John Travolta takes Donna Pescow in Saturday Night Fever

When you sit down, say, “You know that Barry Gibb’s middle name is Crompton?” and then start making out ferociously, but remember to “watch the hair.”

25. Gift Your love an expensive yet diseased plant while wearing round glasses

Don a British accent and say: “In the words of John Lennon, love is like a precious plant plagued by a pestilence that can be cured by the pure of heart.”

26. Show up to your Valentines date with pack of seeds, wearing round glasses

When your date is like “WTF. You couldn’t even spring for roses?” throw on a british accent and say: “In the words of John Lennon, love is the seed of the flower of life – it only flowers when you add the water of your soul.”

27. Buy “Once” on DVD, melt the disk down with a blowtorch

Add a note to the melted mess of plastic that says, “Our love is so much more real than this melted musical theatre bullshit.”

28. Make a Bill Cosby voodoo doll for your beloved

Tell your beloved that it’s an anti-rape talisman.

29. Give your love a fishing net containing two heart-shaped pillows

If your love appears to be fishing for an answer, note that “It was Muhammad Ali who once said, “love is a net that catches hearts like fish.’”

30. Wrap yourself up and put yourself in a giftbox

When your love hears your screams and opens the box, jump out and joyously quote Jean Anouilh, “Love is, above all, the gift of oneself!”

31. Buy a bottle of wine, replace its label with one that lists the vineyard as “Existence”

At an opportune moment, say, “Love is the wine of existence” as you point to your custom label.

32. Make your love a custom deck of playing cards with jokers labeled “Love”

Say that “love is the wildcard of existence.”

33. Buy Your Love a Bottle of Pepto Bismol

Tell your love that “love never dies of starvation, but often of digestion.”

34. Leave your love a note that reads: “I Sexxx You”

Explain that, according to Harlan Ellison, “love ain’t nothing but sex misspelled.”

35. Take your love to a frozen brook

Stare out onto the brook and recite this line from Kahlil Gibran: “Love, like a running brook, is disregarded, taken for granted; but when the brook freezes over, then people begin to remember how it was when it ran, and they want it to run again.”

36. Create a facebook group called “Fanclub for Our Relationship”

Invite your beloved, and only your beloved, with a note declaring, “According to Adrian Henri, love is a fan club with only two fans.”

37. 3D print a skeleton key labeled “Love”

Include a note quoting Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. “Love is the master-key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealous, and, most easily of all, the gates of fear.”

38. Burn all your clothes, total your own vehicle, and buy a pair of noise cancelling headphones directly linked to a karaoke machine

Before you slip the headphones on your beloved and start singing, whisper this in your love’s ear: “Oscar Wilde once said, you don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

39. Pay a shrewd old seamstress to perform her trade in front of your beloved

As you both gaze onto her, quote Sappho, “Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.”

40. Drip your blood all over a flower, and then fumigate it with religious incense

When your beloved asks you if that’s blood, say, “indeed, it’s my blood – why don’t you smell it” and then quote Olive Schreiner, “Love is a blood-red flower, with the color of sin; but there is always the scent of god about it.”

41. Take a road trip to Graceland

In the car, tell your love that “real love is a pilgrimage.”

42. Buy your love one of those volcano sets

If it goes over less than explosively, blame the famous psychologist, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, who stated that “love is a volcano.”

43. Gift your love falconry classes and arrange for the hawk to be fitted with a pair of velvet talon booties

As the hawk is flies into your love’s hands, announce that a computer in Kurt Vonnegut novel got it right when it wrote that “love is a hawk with velvet claws.”

44. Buy your love a poster of Chagall’s La Mariée (The Bride)

Say, “That’s the painting from Notting Hill. You know, from the scene where she’s like ‘I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.’ Why are you not more impressed?”

45. Make a bunch of custom cue cards and dispatch yourself at once to your love’s door

When your love opens the door, go all Bob Dylan in Subterranean Homesick Blues and start flipping through your cards. The last card should probably be something really original like, “You’re More Perfect to Me than Keira Knightley in Love Actually.”

46. Buy your love an electric candle that will burn forever

As you hand it over, recite this line from Tolstoy, “To say that you can love one person all of your life is like saying that one candle will continue to burn as long as you live.”

47. Make a Heath Ledger mask and sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”

Tell your love “It’s the most original thing I could think of – It’s from 10 Things I hate About You, right? I’ve never seen it. What, you think it’s stupid?”

48. When you’re visiting your love’s childhood home, steal an old shirt belonging to your beloved, and hide it in a special place

Take it out and show it to your love and say, “it’s just like the shirt in Brokeback mountain. I love you so much that I’ve been hoarding it and sniffing it.”

49. Plan a trip to Montauk and bring two matching big bird suits

When you get to the beach sling one on, and hand the other to your beloved and say, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

50. Hack into your love’s Nest thermometer and turn it all the way up

When your beloved calls you up in a sweaty rage, declare that it was Francois De La Rochefoucauld who once said, “The truest comparison we can make of love is to liken it to a fever.

51. Give your love the silent treatment.

When your love’s annoyance peaks, hand over a card that says, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

52. Buy “Map of the WWII Pacific Theatre” Sheets for Your Bed

Ravage your beloved as you sing “love is a battlefield.”