Traditionally, there are only three ways to celebrate Presidents’ Day: the first is to buy a new or certified pre-owned automobile. The second would be to sample the favorite cocktails of some former commanders-in-chief: for example, did you know Hoover was considered the inventor of the “Gibson” martini, which features onions instead of olives? The third choice: become president of your own life, for a day.
This can be accomplished in all sorts of ways. Maybe you send a revised budget proposal to the debt collector hounding you about those student loans. Or veto your boss’ latest policy change on time permitted for lunch, and issue an executive order making all the Girl Scout cookies in the break room fair game. No senate in the world would override that decision.
But because you’re not really the president, there are no checks on your political power! Go ahead, unilaterally arm yourself with staplers and spitballs before declaring war on the IT department—they’ll never see the preemptive strike coming. Afterward, enjoy the spoils of office-wide conquest and reward your allies with cushy, ornamental jobs—like “in-house efficiency consultant.” Then kick back and wait to be reelected!
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