Listen up, #NaNoWriMo people: Simon & Schuster just answered all your tearful, blubbering prayers for a way to get your foot in the door. They’ve opened something called Archway Publishing in order “to help writers self-publish fiction, nonfiction, business and children’s books.” And all it costs is a couple thousand dollars!
$1,999, that is, for the low-end novelist package. But you don’t want that. This is your baby we’re talking about here. You’ve worked on it for … I don’t know, hours probably. You can’t just dump it out in the world to fend for itself and walk away whistling. It’s important that you give your book full support, publicity-wise.
So go with this $14,999 upgrade, “The Publicist Package.” That’s more like it! What sort of stuff do you get here? Complimentary author copy? No way! An ISBN number? BADASS! “Elite” cover design with “access to an expanded library of stock images”?YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME, AMAZING. You know what? I’m sold. Now I just have to write something.