Knocked Out in Week One of the Office Football Pool

This is what I get for cheating.

How I cheat is: I get someone else—someone allegedly more attuned to the vagaries of National League Football; someone whom I shall not stoop to name lest she experience the red-faced embarrassment she so richly deserves—to make my picks for me. It’s not even cheating, really. More like outsourcing.

Ordinarily a few disastrous picks would mean nothing. I’d just try my luck again next go-round, and over the course of a season lose like $30 to winning coworkers who are then obligated to buy donuts for the group. I like this system, so long as no one beats me to the cruller.

This year, however, we’ve adopted the cutthroat “knockout league” rules, wherein you pick only one team to win over the weekend and can pick each team only once per season. Pretty tricky! OR AT LEAST IT WAS FOR MY COLLABORATOR AND FORMER FRIEND. Lord, what a disaster. I created a Yahoo! Sports account for this?

Point is: don’t pony up the cash and accept the risks in this sort of scheme and then ask someone else to call your plays. Or, if you do, ignore her when she thinks you should let everything ride on the Seattle Seahawks. Because on the rare occasion that she’s right, she’ll definitely gloat about it. 

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.

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