Kate Middleton’s Official Portrait Is Terrifying

Kate Middleton, officially known as the Duchess of Cambridge, is certainly radiating with something in the portrait placed in the National Portrait Gallery today. Is it her pregnant glow? Or has she already been doing peace work, visiting power plants and handling nuclear objects? Because good lord, it looks like Kate Middleton will climb out of that painting Ghostbusters II style and kill us all with pink goo. 

The portrait, painted by Paul Emsley, has received good notes from the monarchy. Middleton says it’s "brilliant," and Prince William called it "absolutely beautiful." The reaction from the common folk across the point, however, is a little varied. The Guardian‘s Charlotte Higgins is on-point when she writes that Middleton appears to be "washed-out, heavy-lidded and seemingly fanged":

The first thing that strikes you about Middleton’s visage as it looms from the sepulchral gloom of her first official portrait is the dead eyes: a vampiric, malevolent glare beneath heavy lids. Then there’s the mouth: a tightly pursed, mean little lip-clench (she is, presumably, sucking in her fangs). And god knows what is going on with the washed-out cheeks: she appears to be nurturing a gobbet of gum in her lower right cheek. The hair is dull and lifeless; the glimpse of earring simply lifts her to the status of Sloaney, rather than merely proletarian, undead.

Let’s just hope that unborn royal baby doesn’t, like, age at rapid rates and grows up to rule us all.

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