10 Sure-Fire Ways To Anger Bees

Sure, bees can take offense at almost anything. But when you must absolutely, immediately piss off bees, here’s how to do it:

Have the lingering scent of flowery shampoo on you.

Sit outside on your porch.

Listen to quietly droning music (they seem to especially hate Yo La Tengo).

Stay perfectly still when they approach you.

Blink nervously when they swerve close to your eyes.

Try to gently shoo them when they hover just inside your ear.

Move to a different area of the backyard.

Swear quietly to yourself about “these goddamn bees.”

Let the very idea of vengeance cross your mind.

Wipe out another few generations of them using chemical warfare next summer.

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.
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