Want a Black Market Green Card? Let’s Go Find One…

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The counterfeit Green Card boom kicked off in 1986 when the Federal law required all employers to verify legal status before hiring an employee. This put a crimp on the illegal work force—if immigrants couldn’t present a Green Card that equaled no job!

A Green Card is your ticket to working in the land of Tom Cruise and Coca Cola. Many have risked their lives crossing the U.S. border just to get the chance to work and make minimum wage on our shores.

So why not massively speed up the process? Why not get a black market Green Card? It’s easier than you think. You just need a few things: money, a passport photo, a new-immigrant part of town, patience, and a desire to get a black market green card

STEP ONE: Check Passport Photo Places in the Heavily Latino Part of Town

While I suspiciously hang out in front of all passport photo places are two guys. When you pass they whisper, “Micas? Micas?” (Street-slang for Green Card). If you’re white, explain you are a Canadian illegal alien needing a work permit to play hockey in the United States.

STEP TWO: Get a Passport Photo Taken

Thus, the reason they hangout in front of these establishments—it’s a one-stop shop. Chances are, the passport photo place gets a percentage for each black market Green Card client. Once complete, your illegal Green Card ambassador will get your birthday and signature on a piece of paper to use on the illegal documents.

STEP THREE: Hand Over Money

I got a bargain with my black market Green Card. The prices range as followed:

$25—Fake Green Card

$25—Fake Social Security Card

$10—Real Passport Photo (For fake Green Card)

Due to the risk, it must all be a package deal. You can’t just buy one fake government identification card and not the other.


I had to wait two hours, along with two Asian gentlemen, for my black market Green Card—across the street from the Passport photo place.

Until, suddenly, a large red pickup truck pulled into parking spot, igniting a flurry of activity, like a covert military operation. Emerging several minutes later, I was quickly handed an envelope with my signature on it, containing two pieces of newly-constructed government identification.

“Do I give you the money here?” I ask.

“Yes!” he says with a sense of urgency.

“Can I open a bank account with this or get a drivers license?”

“No, it’s just for work!”

“How about a Blockbuster membership?”

My Green Card, which boasts on the back, “Person Identified By This Card Is Entitled To Reside Permanently And Work In The U.S,” is adorned with some person’s smudged fingerprint, my forged signature, and has sort of cloudy blotches within the lamination. My Social Security card is cut at an irregular angle. I guess this would work if I applied for a job in a poorly lit room or cave.

Yes, time for this phony Canadian to play legally in the United States hockey leagues!