Why do terrorists hate America? Is it because they hate freedom? Is it because they hate our way of life? Do they view us as a rich, decadent society full of gluttony and excess? Do they simply hate our foreign policy as the so-called “liberators” of the world?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you are wrong.
The reason why the terrorists hate us is: Doggy Fat Camps. Yes, fitness clubs for our fat pets. We’re such a decadent society that even our nation’s pets are getting obese and have their very own workout spa. The Morris Animal Inn in New Jersey not only runs doga sessions (yoga for dogs), but also has a canine gym equipped with treadmills, exercise balls, and an indoor swimming pool.
Can you imagine living in a 3rd world country—where you can barely feed your family —and find out that in America dogs have their own health club where they are pampered in a luxury spa? Wouldn’t your head explode? Doggy exercise programs range from the ‘Olympian,’ at a daily rate of about $100, to the ‘Athlete,’ at about $40 a day.
Please terrorists, don’t hate us. We apologize that we can’t exercise our own pets and, instead, send them to expensive doga sessions.