The Bryce Gruber Vajazzling Adventure: Annotated Edition

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In a recent post for The Luxury Spot, Bryce Gruber — Manhattanite mom, jet-setter, and person whose aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay — tried out one of the hottest trends of 2010: vajazzling. What is vajazzling? Last month, in an interview for Lopez Tonight, Jennifer Love Hewitt explained the phenomenon well: “I pay someone to glue JEWELS all over my VAGINA…swarofski crystals, specifically…lots of them…glued to my vagina.” [Ed. note: I prefer the term vagina-jewel-gluing, not vajazzling, because I am an adult and do not need to invent nursery rhyme words for things that people do to their genitals. But, as always, the universe has voted and the correct terminology, it seems, is vajazzling.] Anyway, Bryce headed to Manhattan’s Completely Bare Spa to try out the vajazzling procedure and the pictures she brought back are pretty great. I thought it would be fun to annotate them.

As you would expect, the pictures are both gorgeous and evocative. As with all great photography, they tell a story. But what story do they tell? Let’s find out!

image “This is the spa where I had jewels glued to the top of my vagina. See that drawing of a girl? Look how happy she is! That is because she has many vagina jewels.”

image
“This is the nice lady who waxed my vajayjay so that I could get vajazzled! Oooh, that wax looks hot and painful, huh? I know what you’re thinking. ‘Was it worth it?’ For vagina jewels? Duh!”

image “Now the nice lady is gluing — literally gluing — the expensive crystals onto my pubis. Look at the precision with which she does this. She is a consummate craftswoman.”

image “Lookin’ good, yo!”

image “Yay! Happy happy vagina jewels!”

Seems like my girl Bryce had a pretty good time. High five! But what does J-Love think about vajazzling?

image “I use only the best jewels for my vagina.”

Fair enough, J-Love, fair enough.