Two years after stripper-turned-screenwriter Diablo Cody shocked Academy old-timers by taking home the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for Juno, the one-woman sloganeer returns with Jennifer’s Body, a horror film starring Megan Fox’s breasts. Here, the creator of Showtime’s The United States of Tara unleashes the Furies on the world’s most rank fashion blunders.
2. Guys in summer scarves. (Paired with Bose headphones for double Brooklyn bonus points.)
3. I just can’t do white denim. It’s like a letter to YM waiting to happen. (“I was out with a cute guy and I accidentally sat in chocolate pudding! OMFG!”)
4. Tattoo-print clothing. That old-skool tiger should be inked on a bicep, not embroidered on the ass pocket of your “dad jeans.”
5. High-waisted items. Why would you want your tits to look lower?
6. The orange fake-tan phenomenon. Everyone in L.A. looks like a circus peanut.
7. Rompers. These look good on exactly two types of people: infants and Katy Perry. Besides, I don’t want to peel off my entire outfit when I need to urinate.
8. Popped collars. It’s like ’80s schoolyard bully-chic. Be the bigger man and tone it down, Trent.
9. Rubber rain boots in arid climates. Calling them “Wellies” doesn’t make you British. (P.S. I secretly want these.)
10. Rock T-shirts on babies. Please don’t use your 4-month-old child as hipster ad space.
Photo: Jilly Wendell/Vistalux