Falling in Love with a Uniqlo Droid

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I fell in love with a vending machine today. Uniqlo, the Japanese avant-wear retailer, took over the center of Times Square today to dole out freebies of their new HEATTECH clothing; the line’s made from fabric that converts body moisture into heat. People lined up in the brisk air for a chance to get a free piece from vending machines that resembled humans. “I don’t even think they know what they’re lining up for,” said someone from Uniqlo.

The giant apparatus in question was a large, trailer-like compartment with red-light-district windows that held robots inside who appeared human, but moved and acted like machines. There was a male and a female — him a generic autobot, her a cherubic android. I approached her, pushed her buttons, and there she went, pop-locking over to retrieve the thermal pants I chose. Once I had my box, I stood there and stared at her lifeless, hollow eyes, and we connected. She was the Eve to my WALL-E, and I’ll never forget her.